Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis

I have started this post about a million times. I have thought about the words I would use to describe every detail of the harsh reality of those words spoken to me on December 10, 2020, but my heart isn’t there anymore to share just that. Maybe another day. Today I wanted to talk about the supernatural grace God has given me to live with this disease. I want to flip the script for just a second. I don’t want to come at this as unsympathetic, trust me I lived those initial days, and if I am being honest have to be careful not to slip back into the thoughts of fear that came during that season in my life. The Devil is always knocking, trying to get to me through those familiar thoughts and feelings. I tell him to get out of here with that mess.

The Devil is a liar.

This much I know to be true. The Bible even gives us forewarning. His only mission is to kill, steal, and destroy, but Jesus came so we would have life abundantly. I had this crazy notion to hide my MS at first. The enemy came at me hard. You see I am in an intercessory ministry and praying for people to get healed is what we do. When I couldn’t feel my feet and could hardly stand for long periods of time (MS ATTACk) during one of these special ministry moments I felt so defeated and pathetic. What faith could I help bring to the table for God for these people. I am just a wounded bird who can’t even fly right now. The enemy wanted me silenced and definitely not helping advance God’s Kingdom here on Earth!

Let me explain where I stand in this matter. I believe that God will Heal me. I believe that. I believe that he does not want me sick. I believe that this was not from him. This was not a lesson to teach me, or nor was this done because I had done something wrong. LIES! And if you are reading this, and you have been believing these horrible things I urge you to stop and listen. God loves you! He would never punish us because of something we did wrong in the past. 1 John 1:9-He says that if we accept his son Jesus as our Lord and Savior, and we confess we our sinners; he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins, erased forever, as if we never sinned at all. The devil wants you in a self pity, self defeated stage. He wants you isolated, and he wants you powerless, because he knows that if you ever got wind of a renewed mind and a promise from the Lord, his schemes and weapons would be dismantled over your life. Yes even with a chronic illness.

So as much as I hate to say this; yes I have ms, yes it is a chronic illness, and yes I am fighting a monster that hasn’t left me yet. It is hard for me to admit that because deep down inside my spirit I know it’s only temporary. I know that I am bound by this here in the flesh UNTIL Jesus heals me, but my spirit is not! Praise God, it is not my FOREVER eternal condition, and it is not your FOREVER/ eternity as well! Oh, and it sURE as HECK is NOT MY IDENTITY! I am always ready and available if he wants to heal me today! 🙂

With the Right mindset and the Right measure faith and grace to believe, we can live very Happy, Joyful, Exciting, Adventurous, looooooong lives with a chronic illness. Why do I say that? Because it is what I believe! It is almost like a ha ha slap in the face because the enemy tried to put something else on us, that has no power over us because we are children of God. Hallelujah!!

So we must activate our faith! How do you do that? The Bible tells us that Jesus is the author and the perfecter of our faith. Hebrews 12:2 Pray and ask him for more faith to believe that we can still live free in him, no matter what medical labels are thrown on us, or terroist that try and high jack our immune system!

That sounds great, I know you are probably thinking, but I am not sure God has ever given me a promise. ?? That sounds new to me. If this is you I would encourage you to pray and ask the Lord for a Promise from him for this season.

In the mean time you can use the one he has given to me. He is a good Dad who shares with his children, and what he will do for me, he will do for you as well.

The morning before I went in for my very first MRI in October of 2020 I heard so clearly upon waking up to full consciousness. “My grace is sufficient for thee..”

I immediately got out my bible to find the scripture and read it allowed, tears flowing. I knew then I was about to hear the news I didn’t want to, as I had asked him to take this burden from me, and hope it wasn’t ms. I also knew he was with me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” There fore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Each and every day I wake up and I remind him of this Promise he made to me, and I also remind myself that he has my back, no matter what comes that day.

MS is not the mountain I wanted or even asked for, but with Faith to move mountains I will see the victory in the end, because I am more then a conqueror in Christ Jesus.

If you need some advice or someone to talk to please leave a comment. MS WARRIORS -You are not alone in your fight!

Full of life

Thought provoking question for you!

It is officially SummEr Time! Wooot, Wooot! ☀️

Thought Provoking question: If I am full of life and you are full of life in this present moment….then what are we doing with it?

Reflection from my perspective: I am cleaning out the cobwebs of the things that are not important, and don’t add value to my life. This list includes social media. I have a Scentsy side Business, so obviously I need a social marketing network connection so I can’t just jump off the bridge and delete the account. I have discovered thumbing down social media threads leaves me entertained and or excited but it’s only temporary, or I feel uninterested, annoyed, and………. with each passing second I without fail become olDeR!!! Sorry folks to disappoint, but I am NO time traveler. (That would be cool though!) I also would like to be more disciplined in writing. It is one of my creative outlets. I need to focus on letting go of toxic relationships and actually pour more into the cups of my family and friend relationships. I need to continue to pray for a positive renewed mind each morning and through out the day. I don’t have time to waste my life thinking things that do not align to the word of God. (So there goes all the complaining). I need to just keep pursuing Joy, and find things that make me laugh and smile and purposely surround myself with these things.

Your reflection from your perspective: You fill in the blank in the comments if you so wish, or privately answer on your own! 😜

When You Can’t Find What You Are Searching For

Living a counterfeit life of what’s trending and relevant to present times.

Do you ever feel a little lost in this world like me? I wish I could tell you that I have mastered the arts of all things pertaining to life in my short 35 years of existence on this planet, but sadly I can not. Don’t lose me, don’t click the back button yet.  I promise this is not a pessimistic blog post. I would like to think of it more as thought provoking, and a call to action! You see as much time as I spend searching the inter webs for insight, ideas, help, and entertainment, I ended up being stumped today as I could for the first time not find what it was I was searching for.

Of course, this got me thinking!

What if… sometimes we can’t emulate from someone else’s story line because we were not designed to? I mean yes we all know we are individuals created so intricately that we have our own finger prints, but if you stop and watch the patterns of this world, everything pertaining to life and life style’s are based on trends and relevance to the times by people we call influencers.

WHAAT!?

If you stop and think about how absolutely lame and boring that is to conform to the patterns of the present time are you actually becoming the person you were created to be, or a counterfeit of another someone in society? But, not only lame but also exhuasting and not really obtainable in our natural raw authientic state.

My point is, why do we search and think that what we are searching for exist when maybe we are suppose to create a life style no one else is currently living? What is our Why for our every day purpose of getting up and moving forward? I think if we can slow down and actually think for ourselves what out why is then we can create in our own dynamical way a lifestyle that is tailored for the way we were designed to be. What drives us, and what will be the rich ingredients to this self made original recipe that will sustain us and bring us happiness and purpose for our every day life? I think we tend to gravitate towards common interests because it makes us feel like we belong to something bigger then ourselves. Also, we don’t like to be alone. But how many times have we personally not been true to ourselves because deep down inside we aren’t truly what we become by default. I am not suggesting that we can’t have commonalities and simularities, but to not completely become all of what someone else has become for themselves. We can have commonalities but don’t be a complete copy of another, which creates sterotypes of people.

Don’t be a sterotype.

I don’t know about you but when I want to change, I dive into whatever this change is going to bring about. For example, diet. Say I want to become a vegetarian, so I do all the research, watch all the films, read all the books and blogs, and now I have laid a foundation for this new eating life style with knowledge and a game plan to roll it out. Every time I have searched for some one else’s way of doing life, every time, un doubtfully it has brought me to this place I am sitting her today. I am still in square one, reaching, searching, looking for a mold I can fit into. BUT WHY? Why can’t I create my own mold?

What if God created you and me to have our own molds, our own way of designing a life that ultimately glorifies Him? And, what if he did this because he knew this one mold we get to create with him for ourselves would bring about the most sincere self-confidence, self-value, and happiness? Our love for him of course being the anchored fondation to this formation.

I feel like before I can move on with this new way of thinking for myself, I need to get on my knees and I need to seek the Lord in prayer. I need to ask him to reveal to me what changes I can make that will sustain consistency and bring him glory. I need to look into every aspect of my every day routine. I need to consider where all my time and energy is going and what the return is on my investment.  I need to stop comparing my life to others, I need to stop focusing on the flaws when I don’t measure up to what I perceive as their success and my failures.

COVID Season has been a season to let go of idols, pause, and reset.

I have to go back to work in two weeks. Maybe this truth is the motivating factor of the new rush I am feeling to master manipulate a grand plan to create a routine that will help my family and myself slowly transition back into a normal life. After all, don’t we all want to live a life that maters? Don’t we all want to make every day count for something? Our time here is short, but eternity is forever. I would rather spend my energy and focus expanding the Kingdom down here on Earth, and leaving love behind, then waisting it all away on what is trending, and relevant to the times. Letting go of what society and this world gleams as awesome, wonderful, healthy, sexy, acceptable, and laying seeds into some deep God breathing soil that will grow a happy, and healthy family, Woman, Wife, Mom, Friend, and Co-Worker. Now, that sounds so much more realistic and EXCITING!

That’s God’s grace… to love us enough not to leave us lost! 😉 Grace to change, and grace to grow. I love this thing we call life!  I love my life absorbing grace!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic? Do you truly live a life that reflects who you are–who God created you to be, who you want to become, or are you happy living life pertaining to what everyone says is the right and favorable way to live? Do you emulate the life of others, or would you say you have created your own personal mold to fill? Drop your thoughts below!

 

Be Blessed-Ash’Leigh Harris

By Your Side

Cloud Heart

I was walking this morning trying to get some light exercise in because I’m soooo sore from starting back at the gym, listening to a teaching on the gift of exhortation, and this beauty caught my eye! When your beliefs in God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit are “relational” and not “religious “ in every detail of your ordinary day His presence is always by your side! ❤️😘🙌🏻

John 14:21
He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.”

📸 Filtered by color only!

🤍 Ash’Leigh Harris

I’m not good at being pushy

Yikes

Well.. my husband may argue that! :0)

So my friend got me into selling Scentsy last fall and, let me tell you, I had my reservations because I’m just not a pushy sales gal.

I do love Scentsy and have been buying wax cubes for the past few years from a friend so after 5 minuets of flirting with the idea of actually going for it and becoming a consultant, I was all in!

I would consider myself to be averagely successful at it, I mean I’m not a Star director or anything! Heck, I only have one team member, but what can I say is, it’s fun!

I actually really enjoy taking orders and then getting them all packaged when they come in to deliver to my customers! Give me any excuse to use cute cards, gift bags, and washi tape, and I’m all in baby!

I have always for ever and ever wanted to be able to sale things; preferably things I hand made. I have always been attracted to vendors at markets, and always dreamed maybe one day I could find or make something worth someone’s desire.

Scentsy just happens to be my vehicle to test the waters so to speak. But I’m writing tonight because I feel that doubt monster sneaking in. You know that ugly hairy one that whispers out of no where, “Dude, you are super annoying and your harassing everyone you know in your social media to buy your Scentsy!” And then I Start to slowly become insecure and feel weird and stupid.

I’m so not good at being super pushy and getting people to purchase from me!

I’m the worst at letting my own thoughts or maybe the enemies thoughts sabotage my happiness and my progress!

Am I the only one out there that goes through a roller coaster of emotions with like a lot that pertains to life?

I just don’t want to be “that” gal.

I also thank part of my problems are my inability to just stick to one thing and be happy with that one thing!

Embarrassingly I am “that” gal who currently has like 8 different books by her night stand! 😳 I’m totally not kidding! I read out of a certain one pertaining to the mood for that day! 🤦🏼‍♀️

So, I’m going to push through these insecurities trying to creep in on a Monday night at 11:44pm, put my phone up, say my prayers, and get some sleep.

Tomorrow is a new day, and a new opportunity for a joy filled life!

❤️ Ash’Leigh Harris

Caught in the Act

Gasp!!

Over the last week I caught myself doing something I shouldn’t have been doing not only once, but twice! Yes, that’s right, guilty as charged!!!! Gasp!

I got caught in the act of apologizing for being Me!

I caught myself pausing after being my authentic goof ball self and stating the obvious, “Oh, sorry my quirky is showing!” Have you ever just got lost in the moment, belted out the lyrics in a silly tone, danced a little goofy doing a jig because something made you excited, and then stopped mid way to regain your normal composure apologizing for having fun and being the you that only comes out when your all alone?

Yeah, we should really stop being afraid of who we are, quirks and all! People we hang with or do life with are not even going to care how corny we act if they truly love us. Maybe if we would stop trying to correct what society defends as normal, we could all be a little more free in our own personality.

Today as I was being my silly inner 10 year old self and paused to tell my husband, “sorry,” he automatically and truthfully asked me why, followed by a statement, “I like it!”

I can only speak for me when I say, the only reason I point out the obvious is out of fear. Fear that when I go off grid and act child like excited about something people are going to judge me. In that moment of pausing and apologizing I am seeking the approval of them to proceed to be vulnerable and uncover what’s under this adult made shell.

A life truly lived in freedom should reflect all areas of our personality to be free! Wouldn’t you agree?

I’m at a point in my life where I want to stop apologizing for actually enjoying myself no matter where I am at or what I am doing.

“For he sows seeds of light within his lovers, and seeds of joy burst forth for the lovers of God!”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭97:11‬ ‭TPT‬‬

“These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.”
‭‭John‬ ‭15:11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

It’s okay to love yourself enough to be the real you and act goofy! It’s okay to dance silly, or sing off tune, or say off the wall things! Jesus wants us to have a joyful life. Most joyful things will resemble childlike behaviors! If we are called children of God and we believe that, then why are we expected to be so put together and polished? Some of the most beautiful rocks I find have so many shapes, textures, and colors. Polished stones, though different colors, all feel the same.

I think I’m going to try something brave next time. The next time I let myself go and show my true hidden colors, I am not going to apologize or hid behind my “Whoops my crazy is showing,” statements! Maybe my joy will be contagious and just start rubbing off on those around me! Maybe your true joyful self will start rubbing off on others around you as well! 🤪😍🦋

May you grow in God’s grace!

🦋Ash’Leigh Harris

Quarantine and Personality Type Tests

My quarantined heart has been receiving an overhaul the past two weeks!

I did finish my spring cleaning, and managed to escape my mini melt down from my last blog post.  My wheels have been spinning for about two weeks now. That restless feeling has creeped back inside my mind, that one that bullies me into starting a thousand projects because I feel like I must be doing something, anything but sitting still. So, with that being said, I have started about 4 doodle drawings, made beaded bracelets to give away, and I started what is going to be huge granny square crochet blanket. While all these creative outlets are being opened one by one, there is also this desire to write a book or really pursue my writing with my blog. Welcome to the secret life of Me! I am all over the place diving into new projects but never able to finish one. Ha, Look at this blog for example. My heart is to be consistent and really develop a voice, but I lose interest. I have learned through taking a personality type test that I am very FEELINGS driven. If I lose interest or no longer associate happiness with what I am doing, I must then move on and start something else. But I must stop this madness! I must try and attempt to be consistent and finish a project I have started! This will be one of the biggest challenges for me, as it is deeply rooted into the design of my personality type.

I would like to encourage you to at some point this quarantine to take a personality test and start to get to understand what makes you uniquely you! There are many different personality types. I went to http://www.16personalities.com and took a free test. I think these results are interesting because they have been so spot on, however with that said, I don’t believe that just because this test gives in depth information of our personalities we don’t necessarily have to continue to behave this way forever. I would just use the test results as a healthy self evaluation of yourself, and to better understand how others may perceive you. I find it fascinating that God has created us all each unique and one of a kind, and he uses every aspect of our personalities to love those who are in our lives. Think about how boring the world would be if we all looked, acted, felt, processed, thought, loved, and responded to others the same way!

For me learning that my personality type entails believing that I can make this world a better place is a huge validation to this restlessness I was talking about above, and the drive behind it all. I am just wired to always have the need to encourage, help, and fix things and people around me. I now also understand why it hurts me deeply when some people just refuse to let me help them and reject me.

If you find things about your personality type that you don’t like, you can take it to the Lord in prayer and have him walk you through changing whatever it is you don’t like. The Holy Spirit will always guide and reveal things to your heart out of love. If you have trust issues, or control issues, you can take these to the Lord and exchange them with his faith, his love, his control, his safety, his provisions, his guidance, etc.

Just know moving forward when you read my content, it is shaped through the lens of a woman who truly loves people, and truly wants to help encourage you! It is my hearts desire for you that you would be drawn to Jesus and grow deeper in your relationship with him.

❤️ Ash’Leigh Harris