Today I’m in the middle of an MS pseudo flare.

I can technically move.
I can walk.
I can function.

But my legs feel locked up like cement and my body is demanding something I do not want to give it:
stillness.

And honestly?
I’m angry about it.

I have things to do.
Deadlines.
Responsibilities.
Plans.
Workouts I wanted to crush.
A life I want to keep moving forward.

But instead, I’m sitting here feeling trapped between what my mind wants and what my body will allow.

That’s the hard part people don’t always understand about chronic illness.
Sometimes the battle isn’t visible collapse.
Sometimes it’s grieving the version of yourself that could just “push through.”

When the flares flare, I fight emotions almost as much as symptoms:
anger,
sadness,
fear,
hopelessness,
frustration.

My body slows down while my thoughts speed up.

And somewhere in the middle of all of it, I hear God reminding me:
You are still held here too.

Not just in the productive moments.
Not just in the strong moments.
Not just in the gym.
Not just when I’m accomplishing things.

Even here.
In the pause.
In the frustration.
In the stillness I never asked for.

So today, maybe my victory isn’t productivity.
Maybe it’s endurance.

Maybe “holding on” is holy too.

And maybe someone else needed permission to know that resting in the middle of the battle does not mean you are losing.

You are still fighting.
You are still becoming.
You are still held.

Leigh Leigh