October 25, 2019
Today I feel joy, and contentment. God has been so good to me and today I chose to celebrate him and the goodness he has brought into my life.
I am still in a season of being put into the fire but I, finally in my maturity, let God just sustain me and fight my battles. It’s been amazing and I say this after his grace washed over me and gave me a new song to sing in this chapter of my life.
If I would have wrote down my thoughts a month ago I would have had to write from a place of dissatisfaction and hurt. My Words would have had thorns in them, razor sharp to the touch.
A little over a month ago I threw a fit. I yelled, and I bawled, and I expressed and confessed to God how deeply I was in pain. I couldn’t see a way out, and I felt so lost inside the hopelessness that felt like my present reality.
We don’t have to hold our feelings in all the time. Know that even if your a God’s daughter or God’s son you will still experience feelings of hurt, persecution, rejection from others, and pain. We are not super human with the ability to cast off human emotions. Don’t let pride tell you that you are not allowed to feel emotions. I have spent a long time coming to terms with this. I use to think that if I let others hurt me I wasn’t trusting God enough to heal the pain, but this was just the devils attempt to deceive me into thinking emotions were bad and a sign of doubt and weakness on my part. So what did I do? I stuffed and stuffed and stuffed some more, until I was so full of pretending all my feelings came spilling over like the rushing waters in a spill way. Tears flying galore!
We are allowed to feel but we are not allowed to let those emotions cause us to sin. Anger leads to danger extremely quick! Depression leads to isolation. Rejection and pain can make you be more inner focused which leads to being selfish and self absorbed; the victim who feeds on self pity and any attention we can get our hands on from others.
I finally made my mind up that I would wait on God and I would see the victory because I can chose to stand on his word. His word says that if he is for me, then who could be against me? His word says that the lord will fight my battles, all I have to do is be still. The lord says he will prove to be false the words that rise against me in judgement. I had read them all so many times before but never did I once just hold on and wait it out trusting him and keeping my cool.
Instead off letting the world know I was wobbly and falling apart, I went to the quiet place, and prayed and praises God for what he was doing and will do even if I can’t see it now in the natural.
My battle isn’t over but my fighting strategy is new and is still in play. This strategy of keeping my peace and being true to myself has given me a clear conscience and a mind that is free of fear, and always assuming the worst outcome.
I’m steady…. I am strong because in my weakness he is Strong, and the joy of the Lord is my strength! ❤️