I am OVERWHELMED!
I have exactly one week until I turn 29 years old. This number has been a cruel reminder that I have one more year left of my 20s. Why does this freak me out so much? I mean its only 29! Shouldn’t I be going through these motions as a 29 year old fixing to turn 30? Oh well, guess I am a crazy person!?
“Do I suffer from Attention Deficient Disorder or am I just discontent?” I asked my husband late last night while we were talking about hobbies and things we enjoy doing. For giggles, I like to make fun of myselfso I started to go through the list out loud of all the crazy things I have done over the past few years. The joke really was on me when I started actually counting up my silly escapades of things we call “Hobby’s, talents, time fillers.” I laughed it off and dropped it.
The short car ride each morning to take my son to school has become my self reflection outlet. I love to get in the car and drive off into the beautiful sun rise knowing this is the start of a new day. The bright Sunshine brings warmth to my face as I sit at the four way stop waiting on my turn to take a left. I am almost home and whatever I do that day will not begin until the ignition is turned off and I make my way back into my favorite place I call home.
This mornings car ride sparked questions; what is it? Am I discontent Lord, or do I just have a super bad attention problem? I keep searching for that one thing that sets me apart that I love doing. Did you really create us to be good at one thing? I mean there are singers who sing, athletes who play professional sports, artists who paint, teachers who teach, dancers who dance, authors who write best sellers. Why can’t I just find that one thing I find joy in and confidence in?
I have to figure things out, when I can’t it drives me insane. So I did the only thing I know to do when I just can’t seem to put my finger on it I journal. I love how God knows what we are going to ask and when we are going to ask it. My journal time usually becomes a super divine conversation with my maker.
I titled todays entry ADD OR DISCONTENTMENT and then I made a list of everything new I have tried in the last four to five years. I will just stop and say, I am a little embarrassed to share this with you because you will really think I am a CRAZY if you don’t already! 😉 Each item listed was going to be “MY THING,” you know that one thing you do all the time because you love it and you are good at it! I have only stuck with two of them which are in italics. I do however hope that the blogging becomes permanent!
- Working out
- Hair bows
- Handmade get well cards/birthday box
- Crochet (self taught by YouTube videos)
- Hand made jewelry
- Organizer binds for house chores
- Flower Garden
- Fondant cake making
I then brainstormed what I loved to do when I was younger. I use to love making collages out of magazine clippings. I would love to redecorate and rearrange my room over and over and over again. I was beginning to make a connection. My 20s looks a lot like a collage of things I would have made when I was a teenager. I had collaged and collected all my interests and all I had left was a big mess of everything running together to create a blob of massive proportions: dollars lost, over flowing bags of ribbon, cardstock, glue sticks, and yarn taking over a closet in my house!
It wasn’t until ran out of lines to see the scripture that was printed on my journal page at the bottom.
The journal I am currently using was a Mother’s Day gift from my Husband and children a year ago. I LOVE this journal because on every other page there is a scripture posted at the bottom. It is no surprise to me that the answer I was looking for would be starring right at me on todays blank sheet!
“Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”
OH MY WORD!!!!” Whatever you do,” it didn’t say the “ONE thing you do.” I was instantly hooked and reeled in on the word “whatever.” I knew if I dug a little deeper in scripture I would find what I was searching for. I proceeded to grab for my LIFE Handbook, my Bible, and I read over Colossians and 1 Timothy 6.
I kept staring at my list, there were so many things on this list in such a short amount of time in my life. Why so many? I then remembered how creative our Creator is. I mean stop and think about the variety we have on this planet; people, food, animals, plants, the colors each night of the sky as the sun is setting. He has created so many things and they all bring glory back to himself. I began to ponder if God has so much variety with us here on planet earth what is really the matter with having so many things on this paper? Maybe he doesn’t want us to limit ourselves to just one thing!? I closed my journal and read some more. 1 Timothy 6:6 says that” Godliness with contentment is great gain.” I knew I had let my imagination run off course and I was brought back with this truth.
I should not be too concerned about what makes me happy or wasting time comparing myself to other women’s talents, hobbies, gifts.
I should be more concerned about how the desires, talents , and gifts God has given to me bring benefits to others not myself.
After all, My life really isn’t my own.
When you put verses 23 and 24 together in Colossians 3 you will realize that it all comes back to being a servant of Christ.
23″ Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”
If your suffer from crazy ADD or DS (discontentment disorder), such as myself, make a list of all your crazy endeavors and then examine the motives behind each one and label that motive beside the item. Do they benefit just you, just others, or both? My motive list included attention, pride, and ways to make money. (Ouch) These things I can mark off. I can come back to them later in life when my motives are no longer one of the three previously stated. 😉 What brings joy or encouragement to others? Those things, you should keep!
This morning I found contentment in this truth; I am a servant of the Lord, and “whatever” I choose to do with my free time be it a hobby or just for fun, I should focus on my motives behind it, and if it doesn’t give thanks to the Lord and it doesn’t benefit others, I am wasting my time, energy, and focus on it. I need to drop it and let it go. This gives me freedom from being OVERWHELMED!!!!
Being mindful to be a blessing to others will bless you as well.
I have a new outlook on my hobby list and my condition. I do not suffer from ADD, but I do suffer from discontentment because nothing Godly was gained in my pathetic attempts to chase after things that did not bring any satisfaction to anyone else but myself.
I feel confident that I can now bring my focus back on to others while I am enjoying things that I love to do! Contentment is a BEAUTIFUL thing!