Tag: Life

In the Middle of the Storm: Learning Who I Am While Life Is Unresolved

I am in the middle.

In the thick of it.

The chaos is swirling from every direction, and my mind is constantly trying to process the ebbs and flows of the punches life keeps throwing.

I started this blog from the perspective of learning how to stay steady in yourself while life remains unresolved…

and here I am.

Still learning.

Still becoming.

I have found myself this year in a constant battle—not of fixing everything around me—but of not losing myself while everything around me feels unstable.

Anger. Confusion. Resentment. A deep sense of unfairness.

It all stacks up.

It becomes heavy.

Unsettling.

And unlike anything I can simply “step away from.”

There is no escape plan for this kind of storm.

No shelter to hide in.

No boat to ride it out safely in the distance.

It is just me.

Facing me.

Learning me.

Trying to cope with things that feel unresolved and without clear reconciliation.

Relationships are hard.

Especially in dysfunctional family dynamics.

It often feels like no one gets what they want while continuing to repeat the same cycles over and over again.

But I have become aware.

Aware of the patterns.
Aware of the cycles.
Aware that I actually have the power to step out of the constant rotation I’ve found myself in.

But awareness is not simple.

Awareness brings clarity—but it can also bring fear.

And fear, if we are not careful, can begin to change us.

It can make us emotionally numb. Bitter. Angry. Detached.

It can slowly reshape our inner character.

Because the human body wants to protect itself from pain.

And sometimes, in trying to avoid our own pain… we end up passing pain onto others.

And I don’t want to become that person.

The one who was hurt and then hurts others.

I have spent my whole life fighting not to become that version of myself.

But I would be lying if I said there aren’t moments lately…

where the temptation to become cold just to survive feels easier.

Where becoming the “villain” in someone else’s story feels like a form of protection.

Because when you have been pushed aside for a long time…

unseen…
unheard…
unappreciated…

it wears you down.

So I sit.

I write.

I think.

I try to make sense of what is swirling inside of me.

And I gently ask myself:

Who do you want to be when this storm passes?

Because even if it takes years…

it will pass.

Do I want to become jaded?

Cynical?

Bitter?

Closed off?

Emotionally disconnected?

Or do I want to stay soft in places where life is trying to harden me?

I have learned that suppressing my emotions for too long has taken a toll on me—not just emotionally, but physically as well.

So I am learning to be present in my body.

To sit with what I feel instead of burying it.

And today, when I try to push it all aside, I ask myself:

Will I let circumstance and injustice change who I am at my core?

Will I let it dim my light?

Will I let it taint the way I love?

“To thine own self be true.”

It is a phrase I keep tucked in my heart on days like this.

And I can’t help but also hear the words of Jesus whispering in my spirit:

“The truth shall set you free.”

I want freedom from this storm.

I want forgiveness in my heart.

I want truth.

I want reconciliation.

I want clarity.

And I believe that if certain truths were exposed, it would bring freedom.

But sometimes… that exposure doesn’t come when we want it to.

And maybe that is where the deeper work is done.

Maybe the only way through the waiting is not losing ourselves in the process.

Maybe the path forward is staying anchored in who we truly are.

Anchored in truth.

Anchored in love.

Anchored in God.

Because I do believe there is a line we all walk.

A dangerous one I am learning to recognize:

The line between peace and control.

Because it is easy to manipulate situations in the name of peace.

To perform love.

To keep things calm on the surface while suppressing what is real underneath.

But that kind of peace is fragile.

It doesn’t last.

It breaks when life shifts again.

So instead, I am learning this:

Do not build peace on control.
Do not build love on performance.
Do not build healing on suppression.

Stay anchored.

Stay rooted.

Stay true.

Even when nothing around you feels resolved.

Steady.
Present.
Trusting God in the middle.

If you’re in a season that feels unresolved, heavy, or emotionally loud… I want you to know you’re not alone in it.

Have you ever found yourself trying to stay true to who you are while everything around you feels like it’s shifting?

I’d love to hear from you.

Not Everything Is a Problem to Solve

I used to treat almost everything I felt like something I needed to figure out.

If I felt anxious, I wanted to understand why.

If I felt overwhelmed, I wanted to fix the cause.

If I felt emotionally off, I assumed something needed to change.

I didn’t realize how automatic it had become.

My mind would immediately scan for solutions—even when nothing actually needed to be solved.

The pressure I didn’t notice

At the time, it felt responsible.

Like if I could just understand myself well enough, I could manage myself better.

But underneath that was a quiet pressure I was carrying all the time:

That every feeling had a reason.

That every discomfort needed an answer.

That every internal shift meant something was wrong that I had to correct.

And without realizing it, I started treating my inner world like a problem to constantly manage.

What I started noticing

Some of what I was trying to “solve” wasn’t actually a problem.

It was just:

fatigue

overstimulation

emotion moving through me

normal human stress

seasons of life that feel heavy

Not everything had a deeper issue behind it.

Not everything needed a fix.

But I was always reaching for one anyway.

What happens when everything becomes a problem

When you start labeling every feeling as something to solve, you stop just being with yourself.

You start:

analyzing instead of feeling

reacting instead of pausing

fixing instead of listening

And slowly, you become more disconnected from what’s actually happening inside you.

Not because you’re doing anything wrong…

But because you never stay long enough to just experience it.

What I’m learning now

I’m learning to pause before I turn everything into a problem.

To ask myself:

Is this something I actually need to solve… or something I just need to stay with?

Sometimes the answer is yes, there’s something to address.

But a lot of the time, the answer is no.

It’s just life happening inside me.

And I don’t need to fix it to move through it.

What it looks like to not solve everything

It looks like:

letting myself feel without immediately interpreting it

noticing discomfort without turning it into urgency

allowing emotions to pass without assigning meaning to every one

staying present instead of immediately trying to change something

It’s quieter than I expected.

Less reactive.

Less mental noise.

More space.

If you’re here

If you’ve spent a lot of your life trying to fix what you feel, understand yourself faster, or solve every internal shift…

You’re not alone in that.

I’m learning this too.

That not everything is a problem to solve.

Some things are just meant to be experienced.

And I’m learning how to stay with that.

Leigh Leigh

I Used To Think Peace Came After Fixing Everything

I used to believe peace was something I would reach once everything was fixed.

Once I understood it.

Once I improved it.

Once I got it under control.

If something felt off in my body, my emotions, my thoughts, or my life—I would immediately try to figure out what needed to change.

I thought that meant I was being responsible.

I thought that meant I was taking care of myself.

But what I didn’t realize at the time was how much pressure I was living under.

The pattern I didn’t see

My default response to discomfort was always the same:

Fix it.

Solve it.

Adjust it.

Move past it.

Even internally.

If I felt anxious, I tried to understand it.

If I felt tired, I tried to optimize it.

If something felt emotionally heavy, I tried to process it quickly so I could feel “okay” again.

I didn’t realize I wasn’t actually staying with myself.

I was constantly trying to move away from what I was feeling in order to fix it.

And over time, that became exhausting.

What I started noticing

The more I tried to fix everything, the more disconnected I felt from myself.

Not because anything was “wrong” with me…

But because I never stayed long enough to actually be present with what was happening.

I was always in motion internally.

Always adjusting.

Always analyzing.

Always trying to reach resolution.

But peace kept feeling further away.

Not closer.

What I’m learning instead

I’m learning something that has changed the way I move through my life:

Not everything is meant to be fixed immediately.

Some things are meant to be noticed.

Some things are meant to be felt.

Some things are meant to be lived through without rushing to resolve them.

Discomfort isn’t always a problem to solve.

Sometimes it’s just information.

Sometimes it’s just a moment passing through.

And I don’t have to fix it right away to be okay.

I can stay.

What peace is starting to look like now

Peace is no longer feeling like everything is in order.

It’s starting to feel like:

I don’t have to immediately fix what I feel

I can stay present without rushing to escape it

I can trust myself even when things feel unclear

I don’t have to resolve every discomfort to be okay

It’s quieter than I expected.

And slower.

If you’re here

If you’ve ever felt like you have to fix everything inside you just to feel okay…

I understand that.

I’m learning to unlearn that too.

And I’m still in it.

Still becoming.

Still learning how to stay.

Leigh Leigh

Why I started This Space (Held in the Middle)

There’s a place I keep finding myself in lately.

Not at the beginning of things.

Not at the end.

But in the middle.

The part where things are still unfolding.

Still unclear.

Still becoming.

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with that space.

I thought the goal was always to move through it as quickly as possible. To fix it, understand it, improve it, and move on so I could feel steady again.

That was my pattern in almost everything.

If something felt off, I would try to correct it.

If I felt overwhelmed, I would try to manage it.

If I didn’t understand something, I would try to figure it out as quickly as possible.

I thought that’s how you create peace.

But over time, I started noticing something I couldn’t ignore anymore.

I wasn’t becoming more peaceful.

I was becoming more tired.

What I didn’t see at first

I used to believe peace came after resolution.

After I got it right.

After I figured it out.

After I improved it enough.

So I lived in a constant cycle of noticing discomfort and trying to fix it.

Even internally.

But the more I did that, the more disconnected I felt from myself.

I wasn’t actually staying with what I was feeling.

I was always moving away from it in order to fix it.

And that came at a cost.

What I’m learning now

I’m learning something that feels simple, but has changed how I move through my life.

Not everything is meant to be fixed immediately.

Not every feeling is a problem.

Not every moment of discomfort means something is wrong.

Sometimes it’s just life happening in real time.

And I don’t have to rush out of it to be okay.

I can stay.

Why “Held in the Middle”

This space is called Held in the Middle because that’s where I’ve been learning to live again.

In the middle of becoming and not yet being there.

In the middle of clarity and uncertainty.

In the middle of peace and discomfort.

In the middle of faith and unanswered questions.

Not at the extremes.

Not at arrival points.

But in the process.

And what I’m starting to understand is this:

Being in the middle doesn’t mean something is wrong.

It just means life is still unfolding.

What this space will be

This isn’t a place where I have everything figured out.

It’s a place where I’m learning to:

stop turning every discomfort into something I need to fix

stay present instead of constantly managing myself

listen to my body instead of overriding it

build a kind of peace that doesn’t depend on control

live my faith in the middle, not just after things are resolved

This space is less about answers, and more about awareness.

Less about fixing life, and more about staying with it.

If you’re here

You might be in your own middle too.

In a season where things feel unfinished.

Where you’re still becoming who you are.

Where you’re learning that peace might not come from fixing everything, but from learning how to stay even when things aren’t resolved.

If that’s you, you’re not alone here.

I’m still learning this too.

And this is where I’m writing from now.

To read the beginning of this series click here!

Leigh Leigh

The Irony of “Let’s Just Go”

That is the saying on my cute floral license plate cover on my ride. It reads, “LET’S JUST GO.”

I kind of find the irony humorous, considering the type of driver I actually am. What would you call it—rigid, timid, unsure, probably going to linger a little too long at a yellow caution light because I don’t want to cut you off? Cautious? Defensive?

You know the one. The driver who counts to three after the light turns green. The one who waits years to turn left on yellow. Yup—that’s me. I’m the girl you’re probably road-raging at, yelling, “GO! JUST GO! Oh my gosh, GO ALREADY!”

And then you look down, read my adorable floral license plate cover that says LET’S JUST GO, and you eye-roll thinking, The nerve of this lady. She isn’t even going—so why is she announcing that we should?

True story. One day my daughter and I were leaving a store, sitting in a left-turn lane on yellow. The guy behind me was honking and motioning for me to go, but there was a steady stream of oncoming cars. Darting out just to get him off my bumper wasn’t worth endangering my life—or anyone else’s.

In my cute naïveté, I almost thought he was trying to tell me something was hanging out of my trunk. I was genuinely confused… until he sped up on my right, cut me off in the intersection, flipped me off, and darted in front of the oncoming traffic that had the right of way.

I was stunned by the nerve. The audacity. The impatience.

I sometimes think I should replace my license plate cover altogether. But then again—it doesn’t say “Let’s just go already!!!” People need to chill.

“Let’s just go.” Sometimes I want to scream that phrase at others in my life. Obviously, I wouldn’t swerve them, cut them off, flip them off, or jeopardize their safety in the process. It’s just that the phrase has purpose, even if it doesn’t always possess speed.

Maybe it’s a command—but not a rush.

When we’re in the car, everyone is in a hurry. But in life, when we just need to move forward, there isn’t always a fire under our feet or a road-rage driver in our rearview mirror.

Why do we tend to not just go? For me, it comes down to uncertainty—gauging distance, timing, depth, and not wanting to cause harm by moving too soon.

And if I want people to have patience and grace for my overly safe driving, I should learn to extend that same grace to friends who are cautious, hesitant, or simply not ready to put the pedal to the metal in their own season.

We should go wisely, not recklessly.
We should go when it’s safe—when we have peace.
We should go after seeking the Lord for His wisdom in the matter.

I love Proverbs 3:5–6:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”

So next time you feel the urge to yell, JUST GO, pause. Step back. Examine the situation. Is there truly a rush—or are you just impatient with someone else’s process?

Walking alongside others who are still in trials you’ve already finished can tempt you to rush them toward freedom. But I believe it’s in those long pauses that the Lord does His best work. After all, He says, “Be still and know that I am God.”

Now if only we could convince the road-raged guy behind us—five minutes late to his meeting—that maybe this pickle isn’t our fault after all.

Maybe ‘Let’s just go’ was never about speed at all—it was always about trust!

Reflecting on the whole NEW YEAR NEW me TREND

It’s interesting, really—I’ve always been a bit of a fanatic about the New Year. The anticipation of the whole “New Year, New Me” craze used to be the fuel that kept me going year after year.

I think it was last year when my brain finally decided to grow a brain of its own. I had this sudden realization: Wait a minute… starting something new in the winter feels kind of absurd. When we look at the natural cycles of life—plants, vegetation, growth—we see that most seeds are planted in the spring and harvested in the fall. So why on earth do we think we can plant seeds in the dead of winter and expect them to be thriving by the next year? Something about the whole ordeal just started to feel off to me. I decided not to participate. I was experiencing my own Bah-humbug (New Years style!)

Honestly, the more in tune I become with the shenanigans of this present world, the more I question the validity of many popular traditions.

With all that said, this year I felt far less of the New Year’s bah-humbug this year and decided to set goals—but not for the entire year. Instead, I leaned into winter goals. Seasonal goals. Goals that actually make sense for the season I’m living in.

I fully plan on changing some of them when spring rolls around—and honestly, doesn’t that feel more realistic? Wouldn’t this mindset help those of us who fall off the New Year’s bandwagon after week two or three? Instead of giving up for another year, we could simply reset with the next season.

Wouldn’t it also make sense if our goals matched what our bodies are already adjusting to? The slower rhythms, the inward energy, the need for rest? Maybe if we considered that before going all in, we’d spare ourselves the shame, self-judgment, and harsh inner criticism that tends to follow when we “fail.”

I don’t know—just something I’ve been pondering this morning.

Do you have New Year’s goals or traditions you keep every year? Have you started to question whether the whole “New Year, New Me” mindset is a bit of a scam? I’d genuinely love to hear your thoughts.

My Journey: From Logic’s Grip to Faith’s Freedom

For the past year and a half, I’ve been on a profound spiritual journey with the Lord. I’ve granted myself grace to let it unfold naturally—a process that involved plenty of trial and error. Flipping through my journal now, I see the raw struggles: the internal wrestling between logic and faith that kept me up at night. Logic craves explanations, demands answers to every “why.” Faith, though? It trusts. It hopes and believes, even without seeing the evidence.

This clash traces back to childhood. To cope with daily trauma behind our home’s closed doors, I leaned hard on the logical side of my brain. Secrets no child should endure forced me to mask my emotions, burying them so deep I couldn’t even access them for guidance later in life. Making sense of the chaos meant analyzing it logically: understand the “whys,” hide the pain, and pretend it away. I’m sharing this to explain why a logical lens has dominated my mindset—and maybe yours too. Perhaps you’ve never realized how this analytical filter shapes (or limits) how you see the world.

The dam broke on a sweltering Texas summer day. I was driving home, trailing my husband on his newly tuned Harley, the air thick with heat. Leading up to it, I’d been devouring faith-based podcasts, grappling with my identity, coping mechanisms, and survival strategies—all built on logic. I’d just ended a call with an Alongside Nurse prepping me for my first dose of DMT (a treatment I’d sworn off but finally accepted to fight the autoimmune disease diagnosed three years earlier). My husband’s gentle words still echo: “I think you should try the meds. Your body could use the extra help right now.”

In that moment, I realized I couldn’t do it all alone—no matter how stubborn I was. It’s okay to ask for help when you need it (and honesty check: we always do at some point). But back to the call—I was wrecked. Disappointed in “bowing down” to medication after vowing natural healing only. Why now? Why this chronic illness? God! Hot tears streamed as frustration boiled over. Finally, I confessed what I’d buried: “I don’t trust you, God!”

There it was—raw honesty. Now He could work. The Holy Spirit began uprooting that deep lie of distrust. My wrestling softened from a grip to horseplay. “But I want to trust You,” I whispered. And so it began: little by little, I let go of logic as my idol, my false truth, my substitute god. “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

I’d love to say transformation hit by fall—haha, nope. Emotional turmoil lingered, but I pressed on. I surrendered running life on my terms, ditching logic’s dictation for grace-fueled living. One day, one moment at a time. I dropped what I’d clung to: setting tough boundaries with loved ones, even stepping away from two ministries I’d poured myself into. In hindsight, I was shedding hides and retreating to a cave for healing. Weeks blurred into months—a full season. Just over a year since that confession, I’m still releasing logic for faith: trusting He holds the answers, freeing me from masking my true self.

In this season, it means slowing down, hushing external noise. Chasing logical “evidence” exhausts you—bombarding your mind with facts, or burying issues in busyness to avoid facing them. I promised myself grace to just be. No fixing flaws I hated, no overanalyzing. Live present: this moment, then the next. Until distractions crept in—meh, work in progress, right?

This summer brought the freedom I’d craved. I stopped self-demands, ditched expectations, quit performing for validation. My husband’s extended leave (a blessing from his company’s foster care support) catalyzed it all. We manage our foster child together, and his 12 weeks off felt like a gift.

Imagine life on a rigid routine, where alone time was your only relief to logically dissect shortcomings. Imagine believing unmet goals meant total failure—a downward spiral. Interruptions used to crush me: restart, do better, be better. Yada yada.

But after his first four weeks off—leaving me 5 pounds heavier, out of shape, house chaotic—I shifted. The next chunk? Pure enjoyment. I told the devil to shut up, kicked back, and savored lunches out, DQ Blizzards (worth every calorie!). No fear of his return or mental chaos.

Slowing down with him was a soul vacation. How to carry it forward? By releasing body image obsessions and cardio guilt, I stopped fixating. Truth hit: All we have is now. Yesterday’s gone; tomorrow’s not promised. Why obsess over future shame or past regrets? What’s the point?

Slowing down isn’t stagnation—it’s beholding the moment, making it count. We’re passengers in these earthly bodies. Why rush monumental tasks? Logic bosses us, craving control. Faith invites imagination, carefree presence.

Choosing Faith Today: Your Turn

I’ve decided: Let logic go. Manage time and energy by faith—it creates space to slow down.

How about you? Live the rest of today trusting God’s goodness and love. He values you without checklists or performance. He’s after the love He’s placed in you—steward that well.

What’s one way you can release control today? Share in the comments—I’d love to hear your story.

Much love,

Leigh Leigh

It’s Your Choice, Life or Death

It amazes me that no matter what our circumstances are in our lives we actually get to choose how we are going to navigate through them. Like seriously, that seems almost imposible to comprehend to me. With so many decisions that have to be made on the daily, we are in control of our actions. Notice I said our actions!

Depression is a black misty fog monster. It swallows you up in the depths of it’s belly and it wants to keep you there hidden from the outside world. Depression doesn’t care if it’s your loved one’s Birthday, or vacation time. He usually comes with out warning, and over stays the uninvited welcome.

I know Depression, and because of my autoimmune disease and childhood trauma, I am extra sensitive to being snatched up by it.

If you are not familiar with it yourself, it can make you feel lifeless like a zombie, uninterested with life, emotionless, sad, afraid, hopeless, empty, angry, the list goes one, and it can manifest itself differently each time.

For me I have noticed a Cycle. It will start with extreme anxiety and panic attacks which make me feel helpless and out of control and them BAM…the Black Mist, and my emotions are high jacked, I can’t process words to describe what is going on in the inside, and then….. hope defered.

Last night I had hit that bottom of the rope. I was getting aggravated with myself. “Ash, you have already been healed of so much trauma in your life, why are you taking us into the deep end? We wont be able to keep our chins above water, and I don’t see any life savors floating out here.” I kept trying to remember how did I get to be mentally sound minded like I was just 12 months ago before this ms diagnosis?

And wouldn’t you know it, it all started with a surrender heart and a yielded spirit to the Lord. Joyce Meyer’s Battle Field of the Mind was the second book I read, Beauty from Ashes was the first.

Then it hit me. If I want to get well, if I want to be healed, if I want to be back to joyful me I WOULD HAVE TO MAKE A CHOICE.

Dueteronomy 30:19

19 This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against youthat I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Seeking the Lord for his grace and strength is part of choosing LIFE. Jesus is LIFE. His Word is Life. His Spirit is Life. Apart from him we are spiritually dead. Did you know you have a Spirit, Soul, and a Body? Did you know you are to align your Spirit to lead your Soul (mind, will, emotions)?

When we make the choice to be lead by our emotions, we are actually out of alignment and we are being lead by the flesh; our souls.

Depression is a Lying Spirit. Depression thrives on our emotions, our will. That is why it feels so real, because it was a weapon designed to smite us at our weakest part -the soul.

When you are saved, you get a new heart and your spirit is reborn with Christ. But, unfortunately you don’t get a new soul. However God didn’t leave us without help, and he tells us to renew the spirit of our minds. This is where discipline and self control come into play. Also where receiving salvation in Christ through grace and working it out through fear and trembling becomes priority. The Bible tells us that we are being transformed from Glory to Glory in Christ. So being human, and having this human experience has it’s cost. Sure we can bow down to the flesh and give it what it wants, but its a choice, and apart from God it is clear it leads to death.

What I realized was this was my formula I used in the past. 👇🏻

My surrendered heart, my faith and trust in God + God’s love and mercy over me, God’s sufficient Strength = Freedom to Heal

You make a choice then you let go of the fear and trust God to walk with you every day with this choice you have made. This choice means every day you get to walk with a Savior who is relational- a person- not just a statue on a shelf. Every day you get to walk in the Spirit, be lead by the Holy Spirit, and fellowship with the Holy Spirit through prayer and worship.

To not choose to Trust God to be your Sufficient Grace for the Hard things in life means you are Choosing yourself, trusting yourself, and your own strengths. I don’t know about you but I am glad I am not a God because I would be letting myself down all the time. Don’t even get me started on trusting my own flesh to make the right choices for all of us! No way Jose!

What negative circumstances have you been dealing with in your current season of life?

Father I pray that the person reading this would have faith the size of a mustard seed because that is all you require to trust you with their life and release their burdens to you. Renew their minds and strengthen them. Release them from the temptations to navigate life on their own! In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Habits for 2019 and beyond

10:44am Friday, January 4th

(Note to self -this is for me)

God is so awesome that he made my jaw drop when I read the first line of my devotion for today!

Let me back up. Every new year I obsess over becoming better then I was the year before. Weather it be more healthier, more intuned with the Holy Spirit, better wife, better mom, better daughter, the list goes on. So it was only natural for me to start figuring out what I would work on for 2019 and habits seemed to surface my mind. Apparently we as humans are habitual creatures who do most of life on habits we have unknowingly created weather good or bad. I was asking my husband if he had finished his habits book at work because I remember him sharing some of the things he was learning from it a few months ago.

Last night I was asking him more questions about it and he was quite taking by my new founded curiosity for this book. I could tell by the face he made as in like I was asking things way too late for his mind to process right before he shuts his mind down so he can sleep and get up early to go to work. However, I’m a chatter box and just carried on with extracting all my thoughts I had been thinking yesterday. “Did you know God is like way bigger then I think I can even comprehend!” I blurted as he snuggled tightly under his weighted blanket and 15 pillows. (He is a tall big muscular man, I get the 1500 pillows, I do! )

I hurried along to join him and I drifted off to sleep.

Each morning I wake up and I read my devotionals, so this morning was no different then before.

Now back to the jaw dropping….

A giggle and a smile swept over my face as I pressed in with my ears wide opened for what he was about to speak directly to me through the fine print. “Okay Lord, I’m listening!”

So 2019 what will it look like for me? Well let’s just say I will adopt God’s habit first, I trust you Jesus, then I will sprinkle on top of that some loving others and finding ways to bless them daily, combined with changing my eating habits to more Whole Foods/ less processed junk!

Lord Jesus thank you for your ways of teaching me what is important for my present time here on earth, help me to develop good habits this year Lord that will bless my mind, body, and soul, and bless others. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

-❤️ Me

Your Compliments Are Desperately Needed

Sunday December 2, 2018

Listen up!

Your words, they have power!

Your words can break through lies and deception.

Life these days are busy, hectic, anxiety filled, and short.

We are stuck in the rat race trying to mark our check lists off and get things accomplished so we feel like we living up to the worlds standards of success. In the mean time we are forgetting to slow down and love one another with our words.

I experienced the beauty of honesty and the power of lies being broken in a record time of 4 seconds.

My nine year old daughter has a knack for being impulsive and speaking her mind at any given moment. When she was a toddler this could leave me mortified as to what was about to escape those precious tiny lips. However today she teaches me the beauty of simplicity in a word that has become infested with man made complications.

Last week we had to take her in to see a doctor because her body was fighting a virus hence her elevated body temperature. Our regular family physician was booked up and I was desperate to get her seen that day so we went with a doctor she has never seen before.

During the exam the lady doctor was very graciously answering all of her worried nine year old questions about what all was going on on inside of her little body, when aburtly out of no where her impulsive colorful words filled the room as she said as honestly as can be, “You are so beautiful!”

The doctor gasped in these vibrant color words in shock as she covered her mouth as to keep them safe inside, then she paused for a moment almost as if she were about to cry as she said, “It has been close to 30 years since I have been told that.” She collected herself, smiled and resumed the exam.

I was frozen in my chair in amazement of the fact that this beautiful woman who had dedicated her life to helping others has not heard the words every woman loves to hear, needs to hear, should be entitled to hear in 30 years!

Her reaction made me feel the emptiness she must have been feeling up until the words were spoken to her from my big hearted daughter.

In this moment she paused long enough to let some love come in. She felt a little lighter I am sure and I pray she will remember those words when the days beat her up and she is glaring at her reflection in the mirror believing anything less.

I was then convicted in the harsh truth that I could have been one of those daring voices that could have spread beauty and color into others who have needed to hear it, too many God given opportunities in the span of my life, but never did out of fear of sounding silly or fake.

We need to slow down and we need to appreciate the privilege we have to share love with our words and not waste moments being to busy and so self consumed to compliment each other.

I am going to do it, the next time the opportunity presents itself to me. I am going to just blurt it out for all to hear the color words of compliments out of love to others.

My new slogan I’m adopting for 2019 is this: Don’t Hurry, be Happy!

Slow down and appreciate and acknowledge the beautiful people in your life along the way. 💖

Ash’Leigh Harris

A Time for Rest

It has been one incredible last 12 months! I have been on a treasure hunt to say the least with my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. In July 2017 I met up with a friend to discus a dream that was being birthed inside my soul, a God dream! A dream so big it scared me because I had no clue how I could make this dream come into reality. The dream is still a dream and I won’t share it yet, but starting a creative worship art ministry has begun in our church this was something that came along while sharing my God dream. My God dream involves worship downtown that will be open for our whole community. I realize there are season and there are processes. This realization has not put one seed of doubt or urgency, it will happen when the Lord wills it to existence, this I truly believe. I know there are Kingdom resources that have my name on them and they are just sitting and waiting to be released down to earth!

With all that said, starting a creative art ministry has been challenging and fun! I have a sister in Christ who wanted to run with this baby with me. We are currently just now fixing to launch a team and a bible study to unite all of our artist hearts together!

We have pretty much been on our own the past what I call school year, August- May 2017/2018 dreaming up and creating stage sets to help assist our preachers sermons throughout the year, and with much thanks for helping hands to help us along the way. We are thankful that the Lord always provides workers to help!

On top of this new journey I also had a job transition, I felt it was time to close a season of church preschool and pursue the public schools in our community. I was able to serve the school district for 7 months when another door opened and a new job opportunity presented its self to me. I went for it, was offered the position, and the rest is yet to come! I will still be serving our community with the school district but it will be from another angle, assisting administrators. I’m excited to begin this new career journey in just a few short weeks!

I currently sit here typing this out on my iPhone, lounging on a chase lounger listening to the discovery channel, the sounds of my husband breathing and settling into a comfy position on the couch, as people fire off fire crackers on the beach at 10:41pm. I’m writing because I don’t want to lose my creative edge for writing, and also to release creative flow.

I’m writing because I sit in awe and I’m so thankful for where my relationship with Christ has taken me. It’s been one busy exciting 12 months and as I geared up for a two week vacation I couldn’t help but notice Holy Spirit speaking to me through those around me, and a daily devotional. Basically to summarize what I was gathering was that we must rest, we must take time to escape the madness of this world, we must fix all of our thoughts on things that bring us joy and peace and release all stress and worries and chaos to Jesus. That’s exactly what I have done, I have continued to seek him as I would any day but I have just let my mind not even think about the things to come. I have entered into a Holy rest and I have even found a way to be child like and silly again.

I won’t worry, I won’t fret, I won’t sit and get all anxious for the chaos of life to hit me all at once come Monday. I trust that if he wants me to rest and rest in him, he will give me the strength to pick my big plate up and continue to run the race set before me. This excites me and makes me feel excited for the next twelve months, not the opposite to dread or fear. Did I mention I’m about to be in training and learning to do a job I have never done before? LOL but still not an ounce or worry of fear. I praise Jesus and thank him for the rest he has allowed me to enter and hide in! 🙌🏻✝️🎉🍍💃🏻☀️🌊❤️

So, if your still reading this, I know I’m so long winded, I encourage you to really take moments to rest in the Lord. Even if it’s just a weekend or a day, set your mind to rest solely in Christ and enjoy the rest. Don’t for a second feel like you are wasting your time, not being productive, or being selfish. Those are lies the enemy is trying to hang you up on. He does this because he wants to steal your rest and your peace.

I love this picture I took the first morning of vacation. There is nothing as beautiful as a beach sunrise and the reminder from my Daddy God that his mercies are fresh and new each morning! ☀️ 🏖

Go!!! Rest my friends!! ✝️☀️🙌🏻

 Your not so sweet after all!

  

Sugar is sweet, milk isn’t! (No use crying over spilt milk)
As I was getting my groceries out last night a busted sugar bag began spewing its sweetness all over my truck, our street, and yes even into my socks inside my shoes! I ended up leaving a sugar trail to my kitchen counter. Sugar all over the place!
 “We have a spill on isle LIFE People, a spill on isle LIFE!”               
It put into perspective how even sweet things we love that mean no harm can turn into a messy disaster we are left to clean up in seconds.
Sugar is sweet and helps create some awesome tastebud worshiping treats, but having it explode all over everything isn’t something that taste good or makes me happy! I had sugar on the bottom of my feet and that just feels super gross y’all! 
Thank you God for a new perspective of good things that can lead to a bad situation. 

Thank you for reminding me that when your answer is a NO to something that I really want and ask for because I think it’s “sweet” and “good,” it’s because you have my best interest in heart avoiding me a nasty and not so fun clean up down the road! 
I praise you for this Lord!
-Leigh Leigh