Habits for 2019 and beyond

10:44am Friday, January 4th

(Note to self -this is for me)

God is so awesome that he made my jaw drop when I read the first line of my devotion for today!

Let me back up. Every new year I obsess over becoming better then I was the year before. Weather it be more healthier, more intuned with the Holy Spirit, better wife, better mom, better daughter, the list goes on. So it was only natural for me to start figuring out what I would work on for 2019 and habits seemed to surface my mind. Apparently we as humans are habitual creatures who do most of life on habits we have unknowingly created weather good or bad. I was asking my husband if he had finished his habits book at work because I remember him sharing some of the things he was learning from it a few months ago.

Last night I was asking him more questions about it and he was quite taking by my new founded curiosity for this book. I could tell by the face he made as in like I was asking things way too late for his mind to process right before he shuts his mind down so he can sleep and get up early to go to work. However, I’m a chatter box and just carried on with extracting all my thoughts I had been thinking yesterday. “Did you know God is like way bigger then I think I can even comprehend!” I blurted as he snuggled tightly under his weighted blanket and 15 pillows. (He is a tall big muscular man, I get the 1500 pillows, I do! )

I hurried along to join him and I drifted off to sleep.

Each morning I wake up and I read my devotionals, so this morning was no different then before.

Now back to the jaw dropping….

A giggle and a smile swept over my face as I pressed in with my ears wide opened for what he was about to speak directly to me through the fine print. “Okay Lord, I’m listening!”

So 2019 what will it look like for me? Well let’s just say I will adopt God’s habit first, I trust you Jesus, then I will sprinkle on top of that some loving others and finding ways to bless them daily, combined with changing my eating habits to more Whole Foods/ less processed junk!

Lord Jesus thank you for your ways of teaching me what is important for my present time here on earth, help me to develop good habits this year Lord that will bless my mind, body, and soul, and bless others. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

-❤️ Me

Wrestling with God, the devil, and Myself

It has come to my mind lately that I have trust issues. MAJOR trust issues, and what is worse is that they are with God.

It seems unusual to me that I can trust him completely with out one ounce of hesitation with my eternal salvation, but I can’t seem to trust him with the every day pop up drama’s in my life. Remember those pesky late 90s internet pop ups? 🙂 That is how I imagine drama bubbles must appear sneaking up at odd and unwarranted times in my ordinary day!

I am wrestling with God. I say that I trust God, and I try so very hard to let him be my BFF with life’s issues. I pray when I feel drama sneaking up, and I pray that he will put a watch over my mouth lest I sin against him, but the second one of my friends ask me how is it going…my tongue over takes my self control and all my words come spewing out, one ugly mess and now my secrets that were suppose to be Gods only, are now her ears entertainment. Why!!? WhY!?? It’s a tug of war with my heart. One moment I am giving him totally control, the next I am yanking it back as fast as I handed it over, with out one thought as to what I am doing.

I am wrestling with the devil. He knows my weaknesses and I have told him several times on several occasions he will not get the best of me! I have rebuked and yelled at him, all in Jesus name, only to fall flat on my face in anger and defeat. I know he is the liar in my ear, he is the smoke behind the curtains, disillusioning my eyes, my mind with his master manipulating schemes. It is an every day battle trying to cast down those lies and set my thoughts on things above. It is exhausting.

I wrestle with myself. I know that I am loved and given grace but when I mess up, I take it really personal. I know that my heart is better then the way I react. I know that even though I can be mean and ugly back, that is really not my character. I wrestle with forgiving myself for having to ask for forgiveness for not trusting God, not keeping our secrets just ours. I wrestle with not giving up, and not continuing to run my race set before me. I am not a quitter I tell myself, and God really knows my heart, what my real problem is, just give it to him I remind myself. He is always quick to forgive when I ask for forgiveness, and I am sure there will be another opportunity to try it the right way, next time drama hits my heart. I wrestle with doing what is right and doing what is wrong, knowing the difference and acting out in anger anyways. Sometimes I feel like less of a person for keeping quiet. I feel like people think I am a push over. It feels empowering in that moment when I am finally taking up for myself, but unfortunately that feeling dissipates too quickly, and then I worry they think I am one of those uncaring loud mouth women! Oh how I wrestle with myself!

So as I sit her tonight, my heart heavy with wrestling these scriptures lay heavy on my heart.

I wonder if there is anyone else out there who feels the same way I do, if so I hope you can decide to do what I am willing to do, and that is lay all my burdens, my energy in wrestling and fighting with God, the devil, and myself at the feet of Jesus and mediate on these two scriptures:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 (emphasis on TRUST)

and

But you will not even need to fight. Take you positions l then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out there tomorrow, for the Lord is with you! 2 Chronicles 20:17 (emphasis on STAND STILL, THE LORD IS WITH YOU)

May God’s Grace be upon you,

Leigh Leigh

Oh Grow Up!

JUST KIDDING…..PLEASE NEVER GROW UP in that I am too stiff, joints hurt, old, too serious, and boring kind of way!

It’s important to always be reaching for something bigger then yourself!

As a Mother of 4, I sometimes feel like I am accomplishing something big if I have tucked my kids in bed at night with happy hearts and happy full tummies. I can become fixated on just being one identity, their Mom.

This morning as I was getting ready for the day I was reflecting on how good it felt to just get up and run this morning. For some odd reason I really enjoy that time. My mind began to run away into the finish line of a race. What fun that would be to actually train for something and then accomplish it! I have participated in 5Ks before but not for competition, just for fun.

My mind then quickly came back to its auto drive (the mom mind). I thought about my children and how they would react to seeing their Mom actually competing in something, and them for once cheering me on on the side lines.

I became excited!!

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I don’t want my children to think that their childhood is the only moments for all the fun, the practices, the hard work, the games, the wins, etc.

I want to show them that you don’t stop chasing your dreams when you become an adult, a mother, or a father. I don’t want them to believe that becoming an adult only means working late hours, toting your kids to and from, work, cooking, and cleaning.

When you look at it that way that’s not too inspiring.

Life wasn’t made for us to come to completion early in our lives, it’s a race to the finish.

Lately I have been desperately looking for inspiration and this morning I think I found it.

I’m inspired to show my children to never stop pursuing what you love just because you are told that the fun is suppose to stop once you are a grown up.

My hope is that when they are finally an adult they will look back and remember their Mom as an inspiration to never settle, never stop pursuing whatever it is that makes you feel healthy and happy!

Has becoming an adult caused you to give up on a dream you once had as a child? Maybe it’s time for you to become the inspiration instead of searching for it! 😉

photo credit: Pinterest

xoxo

Leigh Leigh

 

 

We are guilty of trying to become someone we are not

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

 I have been so thrilled and eager to sit down to write this blog post.  The joy and the excitement has been jumping around in my heart like a million Mexican Jumping Beans!

Here recently I keep getting this magnificiant push, this hard drive to write about how SPECIAL YOU ARE!

I love to work out, I love to encourage other women on their weight loss journeys, however I don’t frown upon those who are just not interested in the same things I enjoy. Maybe you love the fashion world, you eat, breath, and sleep the latest fashions. Maybe you are into Make up and Hair, body building, dancing, cycling, swimming, reading, writing, hiking, sewing, crafting, budget shopping? The list goes on as to what really captivates us!

Maybe you truly are happy with who you are inside and out, or maybe you are in a season of your life where you are struggling to find out who you are. You question things, you question your own heart, motives, drives, etc..

I know I went through a season in my early 20s after I had my two children. I had completely lost my identity some where in between all the mom titles I was carrying. I lost my confidence in who I was and I was just clueless on who God had called me to be. That place is a dark and scary place to be. If you my friend are in this season I want you to know that there is a brilliant bright light at the end of the tunnel for you! Embrace the unknown to educate yourself on who God has called you to be and then dig down deep inside to rediscover who you are, who you want to be, and then my friend grow your faith and let yourself be you!

Don’t ever get carried away with trying to “fit in” that you forget that you were made to “Stand Out!”

It is so easy these days with all the Woman/Mom/Wife comparisons in the World. We are judged from our choice of clothes to the brand of water we choose to drink. It’s absolutely ridicules and actually brilliantly calculated by the Devil to cause divisions amongst us women to separate us from each other on stupid things that are not eternal or relevant to who we are on the inside.

I am pretty sure God doesn’t care if you want to use a cloth diaper on your baby or a disposable one. However, I know he cares about your heart and your intentions. If this choice brings God glory by recycling and keeping the earth clean, and this is why you chose to do it because in your heart you are convicted too and not because you don’t want others to judge you, or your afraid of their opinions, their acceptance to fit into their particular group, I say cloth on my dear!

Confession alert!! I will just tattle on myself now so you know I am not pointing fingers or picking on cloth diaper moms! The cloth diaper is just an easy example that popped into my mind first. I used to be a preschool teacher and I would look and check out what type of lunches other moms were packing for their child. I had come to the conclusion that I didn’t measure up to other moms because my child’s lunch didn’t look like their child’s. I would go out of my way to make sure that my kids lunch reflected their child’s lunch. Was it because I wanted my child to be “super healthy” like theirs? No, it was because somewhere deep inside I had a mom insecurity and I had made other moms my standard to compare myself to be like.

(Read why I gave up trying to be the PERFECT MOM here.)

We do this all the time with EVERYTHING…don’t we? Okay maybe you have never done this, I am probably just throwing my own self under the bus right now by sharing some of the dumb embarrassing things I have done in my life! 😉

It is just Satan getting into our heads tying to make us insecure on who we are as WOMEN, as Mother’s, as Wifes, as Friends, and especially Daughters of Christ!

Insecure so that we do stupid things, like try to become someone we are not to feel accepted.

The good news is WE ARE ALREADY ACCEPTED! Even in our Sin we have a God who loves us and is waiting for us to acknowledge him and to believe in him. He loved us before we loved him. He created us unique for His Glory and His own Purpose. Ephesian’s 2:10 says that we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.  GOOD WORKS, ETERNAL Works, that we should walk in them. I am not reading the part where we should compare and then become someone we are not, or that we should walk in someone else’s footsteps that He created for them. Oh, because it is not there!!

These silly standards that we measure ourselves up to turn into nothing eternal but only temporary. Your child is going to grow up into an adult, God willing! When he is an adult, no one will care what kind of diaper you put on his bum. Your body, your face, your hair, it will all age. We are all left with the same destiny and that is getting old and passing on.

I don’t want to waste one more second trying to become someone I am not created to be. What a waste that would be for my life God created just for me to live out!

Look at your finger prints. If God, the creator, went out of his way to give each one of us our very own set of finger prints, doesn’t this mean some thing to you about your value, your worth, your acceptance, your importance to HIM?

We are all special and unique, but as Sisters in Christ we are all connected.

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 1 Peter 3:8

Notice how there is no pressure to be the same on the outside, or the way we prepare lunches/dinners for our children, or to become a stereo type soccer mom, or an organics only mom, or the 6 pack abs mom, or the Trophy Wife, and become everybody’s BEST friend!

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I  posted this photo on my Facebook page. (Check out my Facebook page HERE!) It convicted me as to where my perspective has been lately. Let us live to be women who leave eternal gifts to our children, our husbands, our friends, and everyone else we meet along the way.

Love last forever! Acts of kindness remain within the recipient’s heart!

If you are currently chasing after something that you know in your heart just isn’t you, but because of fear of rejection you are allowing yourself to be involved or apart of it, I urge you to stop it today! Be brave enough to just be you. Be brave enough to love and accept yourself just the way you are. Also be brave enough to change the parts of you that you know you need to change for the better. You are worth becoming the best that God created you for!

Where is your heart today? Are you guilty of trying to be someone you are not? Do you know who you are?

Struggling with Identity? Check out my Confessions of a Tattoo Sleeved Mom HERE!

tattoomom

XOXO

Leigh Leigh

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Please Burst my bubble…

……….of moodiness!

I woke up this morning with this verse heavy on my heart.

Mark 12:30-31

Love the Lord your God with all you heart and with all you soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” There is no greater commandment than these.”

It was like a big spiritual spanking for me as I have been very grumpy and probably hard to live with lately.

I started this blog to encourage woman and speak truth into their lives. This doesn’t mean that I am above both. I know I am not. So then I thought well maybe someone out there needs to hear this too!

I have been very negative lately about me in general.  The more I try to encourage you how beautiful you are and how awesome it feels to set goals and reach them. I have been walking around with self doubt, and a critical spirit about myself.

I just read Crash the Chatter Box by Steven Fortick and it was a great read. It made a lot of sense but obviously I need to go read it again. The truths that I learned about mindless chatter didn’t seem to take root in my heart.

I will be turning 30 in a few short months and the pressure to be 30 and fabulous is really kicking in. (Why I think you should be 30 and Fabulous sure beats me!)

Why must I live with so many pressures I (me, Ash’Leigh) put only on myself? I hate pressure. It is thick, and heavy, and smuggling. It chokes the happiness out of my spirit. It creates false expectations that I (me, Ash’Leigh) only place on myself. It is like I (Me, Ash’Leigh) am my greatest enemy, my greatest competitor. I sure do get tired of me!

There are a lot of things that I am just not happy with right now with myself but I will not bore you with the details. They are silly anyways but because I have sat and highlighted them in my mind, blowing them up like a Ginormous sized Advertisement Billboard, they have became HUGE and daunting to me. We have a tendency to do this!

Mark 12:31 brought some clarity to my bad attitude lately. I am not really upset with everyone around me. I am lashing out in grumpiness because I am not happy with myself. I am not truly loving myself.

Are you lashing out and taking anger out on random strangers or the ones you love?

Here are some signs to look for.

Unexplained Moodiness.

Unexplained grumpiness towards your children or your husband, friends, family.

Extreme irritability with the WORLD and everyone in it.

Feelings of doubt and insecurities on several areas in your life.

Speaking negative remarks about yourself to others. Example: “I could never do that, I am not smart enough.”

Letting how your body fits in your clothes that day dictate your attitude and your mood.

Majority thoughts on negativity.

Picking out every single flaw on you and every single human around you.

I think there is some insight in this scripture. We are told to love our neighbor as we love our self, but in reality we actually TREAT OTHERS how we TREAT OUR SELF.

Maybe you don’t. Maybe you have learned to fake loving everyone else while inside you are being choked with insecurities and self doubt and hate. I think this can only last for so long. Click here to learn why I am not faking things anymore!

The truth sets you free.

I Love God with all my heart. I have been asking him to change my attitude repeatedly lately. I know when something is off inside my mind. I am thankful for this reminder this morning.

I have to get back into grips with What God thinks of me.

I am his Child. John 1:12-13

I am created in His image. Gen 1:27

I am deeply Loved by Him. Jer 31:3

I am Forgiven. 1 John 1:9

He never gives up on me. Philippians 1:6

I am always on His Mind. Psalm 8

His works are Wonderful so I am Wonderful. Ps 139:13-14

I am not rejected! Isa 41:9

I am the apple of HIS eye. Zec 2:8

We can’t be who God has created us to be with a CRITICAL NEGATIVE SPIRIT.  Satan knows this and I believe that this is his favorite way to drive us insane and kick us of our course.

But THANK GOD Greater is He who is in me, then he who is of this world!

We need to recognize the attack from the Enemy and then rebuke the negative, critical spirit attacking our mind. Then pray by asking God to restore the damage it may have caused in our hearts, help us see ourselves through His eyes, and help us to love ourselves like he loves us. We need faith to believe what his Word says about us allowing it to become our foundation of our own identity; our true identity in Christ.

We need to build ourselves up instead of tear ourselves down. This is important because I believe we will leak what we are filling ourselves up with. If I am feeling nasty and critical inside I will leak this onto my husband, my children, my friends and quickly critize them, but if I am full of the love of God and building myself up in his words, his truth, I will leak this onto others. (Encouragement, love, support. etc..)

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Be True to yourself always!

What helps you come out of a self loathing funk?

Xoxo

Leigh Leigh

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Photo credits:pinterest and Socialnetworkvoice.com

 

 

Jump back on

Monday equals fresh start to the week! If you jumped off the band wagon over the weekend why not start back today?

I have learned that when I stop doing what I am suppose to be doing to keep my body in check doubt creeps in my mind! When I am busy keeping up with my running and my work outs, there is no room for doubt!

The more you do something, the easier it gets. The less you do something, the harder it gets!

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Let’s do this!
Leigh Leigh

2 Faced

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After a three day cloudy, gloomy, rainy, wet and cold weather spell in the middle of Winter, the sun came out during my drive to pick up my children from school.  I could feel the golden warmth transcending through my wind shield. A brilliant idea popped into my head on this very chill cool January day. I would try to fake Summer! I blasted my heater as if to let myself become over heated,  pretty much how one feels on any hot Summer day here in Texas! As the heat blasted through my air vents I couldn’t help notice the chill I couldn’t seem to shake. You know the feeling when you have been outside for a while and you can’t seem to warm up? My hands turned the freezing hard steering wheel, and I couldn’t help but notice the chilly air reflecting off my driver seat window touching my exposed skin. Even though I tried. I could not fake Summer!

It lead me to thinking….

You can’t fake Summer on a cold windy Winter’s day like you can’t fake feelings!

2 faces I am not!

Being two faced means you are not coming to terms that it is okay to be hurt by someone’s actions and words. You are not being true to yourself or the person you are faking out. You walk around with a big smile on your face and pretend to like someone who has caused nothing but trouble and heartache in your life, and the lives of others you love. You are fake and a phony. You think that by pretending to play nice it is going to make things all better. You think it is going to make the anger from being hurt, violated, or rejected go away. It doesn’t. It festers up, the monster grows elephantine inside your heart.

I have prayed for my enemies. I have forgiven over and over and over again. But still I am left with the same feelings I thought I took care of years ago.

What I realize today are these truths.

When I am weak, HE is Strong and HIS grace is sufficient for me.        2 Corinthians 12:9 (Even if my weakness comes back time and time again.)

HE hears my cry for help, and delivers me out of my trouble. Psalm 34:17

HE understands how I feel. Hebrews 4:15

He will vindicate me, fight for me. Romans 12:19

I am loved, accepted, and forgiven. John 3:16

I am taking my “feelings” to God today. I am being honest with HIM expressing my hurts, my disappointments, my feelings, my hopes, my desires.. as I ask for forgiveness of my sins and ask him to be my rock, my strength, and to love like he does.

No more faking my feelings by forgiving others because I feel it is my “Christian duty,” and feeling resentful to God for it later when I don’t feel better,  but surrendering it all to HIM!

Until the peace HE promises comes, and I believe it will come, I will continue to not fake my emotions and I will continue to not be a Woman of 2 faces.

I will let Go and Let God transform my heart for me by His power, by His Grace, by His Love.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me Strength and so can you!

Do you ever struggle with 2 faces?

Be you, Be true!

Leigh Leigh

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photo credit:http://blogs.sd41.bc.ca/buckingham-library/2011/12/02/holiday-borrowing/

 

 

Saying Goodbye to being a Mother of a Preschooler

I feel like I am mixed up in TRANSITION of no longer being a Mother of preschool aged children!

For the past 10 years I have had at least one child who was preschool age at home. My story of a Mother of 4 is a little complicated. I have actually been even if only momentarily a Mother of over 18 children. I know what your thinking so let me answer your question! No, I am not related to the Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe!

I have been a Mother of a preschooler for 10 years!!!

The journey started when I was 19. I married a man who had  primary custody of his two small children 2 and 5. We married when I was 20 which officially made me step mom to his 3 and 6 year old children. At the age of 21 I had my first child who is now 8. We began our foster parent journey while he was 2. We have fostered over 18 children from 2008- until just last month!

The small 2 year old and 5 year old I fell in love with 10 years ago are now 13 (middle school) and 16 (high school )! My baby is 5 (pre-k) and my oldest is 8 (elementary).

Having a preschooler in the house has been a HUGE part of my mom identity for so long I am now having some issues getting use to being a part of the “older kids Mom Club!” (If there is such a thing, because I can’t seem to find one!) I mean I have a 16 year old Step Son for crying out loud! Ha ..not to mention I am only 29!

It seems that there is a high demand for encouragement and advice for Moms of preschoolers! I would know! I served as a leader of the MOPS STEERING team for 2 years and loved every minuet of it. I attended the MOMCONs which we AMAMAZING I like to add!

Where is my child is not a preschooler but not a teenager either Club, or the Club for the Mom who has two sets of aged children: Not preschool/not teenager and Mom of TEENS!? I need help and support when I get asked where babies come from, why there are evil people in the world, why cake is not considered a dinner food, why some people have two mommies and two daddies and I only have one!? The list goes on!

Motherhood is a  journey in itself. As we are raising our children up to be suitable adults, we are growing more mature all the while, and all the wiser! A mother of a preschooler seems to be trapped into that identity and mindset even if she does have much older children she is raising as well! Let’s not mention how Step motherhood is like a whole nother adventure of motherhood!!! Foster Motherhood is bitter, sweet.

To think that this coming fall I will not have any small children at home feels so strange and foreign to me. I work at a Mothers Day Out Preschool three days a week so even while I am at work, my child has been there with me. Next year she will be going to public school, and I will officially be separated from all my children during the school day! 😦

I am basically just rambling, but I am curious if this is just a normal thought/emotional process for a mom who is no longer a mom to a child under 4?

xoxo

Leigh Leigh

Never again! Bad dreams and co-sleeping with your child! #momstruggle

My babies are older now. It’s been a good four year since we have had a little bitty baby in the house. Some days I miss that. Mine are 5 and 8 now.

Some nights I lay awake day dreaming about how I wish they were still little enough to snuggle with at night. Little warm and lavender smelling heaters to keep you warm and cozy all night. I would long for a night they would ask to sleep with us because they were afraid of a shadow on the wall of some sort.

It just doesn’t really happen here.

In those day dreams this is exactly what I had envisioned……

*image found at www.all-creatures.org
*image found at http://www.all-creatures.org

See isn’t this so sweet!!? Momma Cat is snuggling baby cat keeping her little safe and sound. Awe… No more bad dreams baby, Mommy is here!

Can I just interrupt this mushy moment with a little dose of reality!?

Well it finally happened last night! Our 5 year old daughter came bolting in our room tears and all with that sweet little innocent voice: “Daddy I want you!”

“Okay get in the middle of us!”

That warm sweet lavender scented soft baby has vanished leaving me with a sleepy, whiney, very boney, sweaty ball of a mess child! She didn’t smell so sweet, or lovely for that matter! More like Chicken Nuggets and Cheetos, laced with smelly feet!

I can’t recall much but if I could paint you a picture I am pretty sure my night looked a lot like these pictures to follow..

*image found at www.cuteaholic.com
*image found at http://www.cuteaholic.com

We started the night out in my favorite sleeping position. Momma on her back! Now imagine a life size 5 year old on my tummy, and I am not quiet that wide! 🙂

That position left me winded and uncomfortable so I rolled over onto my side. This is where her sweaty hair was suffocating me!

*image found on www.galleryhip.com
*image found on http://www.galleryhip.com

I manage to push her off my face and try this half side, half stomach position.

*imagine found at www.3b.bp.blogspot.com
*imagine found at http://www.3b.bp.blogspot.com

I suspect we got away with this co-sleeping position for a good portion of the night. Well, until my shoulder started to hurt and my side began to ache!

I decided it was time to give the whole tummy position a run for it’s money! After all it’s probably close to 2 in the morning and I am beginning to feel severely UNCOMFORTABLE!

*image found at www.commons.wikimedia.org
*image found at http://www.commons.wikimedia.org

Oh brother.. I am going Apes, Bananas!!

Why can’t she roll over and sleep next to her DADDY!? It was HE WHO LET THE LITTLE DARLING INTO OUR BED! Why ME, Why ME!? Why am I the only one being pressed down on, kicked, slapped, elbowed, kneed, sweated, and slobbered on!!!!??

She is Child by day, Ninja Warrior by night!

image found on yahooimages
image found on http://www.fanpop.com

HELP! I can’t even breath at this point!

*imagine found at 3.bp.blogspot.com
*imagine found at 3.bp.blogspot.com

And She has the nerve to wake up looking like this!

“Good Morning Momma!”

www.thewowimages.com
http://www.thewowimages.com

I am all like, “Good morning Kenna!”

image found at www.doberdan.com
image found at http://www.doberdan.com

My body feels like I just fought off a bull in my sleep all night!

Dodge this leg, dodge that elbow
Dodge this leg, dodge that elbow
Spanish bull fighter Jose Tomas
Spanish bull fighter Jose Tomas

NEVER AGAIN! NEVER!!!!! My back hurts, my arms hurt, my neck is stiff, I am sore all over!

So thank you DADDY and thank you POPPA for letting her watch that Scary Movie. I think if she comes back again, I am moving to the couch!

🙂 The countless joys of Motherhood!

Here is an actually picture of proof just how crazy our night was last night!!!

goodmorning

Smile,

Leigh Leigh

Be sure to check out MY KIDS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY HERE FOR MORE LAUGHS!

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Breaking “Perfect Mom”

I have officially given up on being the “Prefect Mom!”

Now wait before you go judging hear me out! This urge to be the “Perfect Mom” comes with the territory of being a “Step Mom” and a “Foster Mom” as well. To be quit frank it has been exhausting and completely stupid to say the least!

The older I get the more I realize my kids, step kids, and foster kids don’t need me to be the “Perfect Mom.” Perfect as in one who: never never cries or feel depressed, loses her cool, never stumbles, never does something completely stupid, never misses an appointment, or sleeps through an alarm, forgets a pep rally, a lunch, wouldn’t dare open her mouth without thinking, never burns a meal, or has an untidy house. I have tired myself down to nothing trying to maintain the perfect clean house while staying on top of laundry for seven people in my home, attending as many sports games between three of my five children as I possibly could, and juggling a part time job. My smile was plastered on BIG and BRIGHT, but I felt empty and disappointed on the inside.

My children need a real mom. One whose love knows no end, disciplines when she would rather be their friend, one who is always there for them, attentive to their wants, desires, and needs, and shows grace when it is or isn’t merited. They need me more then I need the illusion of being the “Prefect Mom.”

I don’t want my children to live with false expectations of what the world has to offer in other people. I am no one special, just a woman who is trying her best at this whole wife, mother thing! I have days where I feel like an overachiever, and days like a true failure. I am a woman so I can experience both of these highs and lows about 30 times in one day!

I want my kids to see me at my best, and at my worst. When I am in first place and on top of the world am I showing them what humbleness and humility looks like? When I finish in last place and feeling down and out do I complain, or extend blame on everyone else’s short coming but my own? How about my attitude? They are watching you know, every move you make, your actions and reactions.

I want them to know that I don’t expect perfection out of them, just their best! I want them to know that I am giving up on being the “Perfect Mother” for them, but not my true honest attempts to be the best version of myself for them as their Mom. There is no such thing as perfection on this earth in my eyes, so striving for that only exhaust me and disappoints me.

I want my children to grow up being real people! I don’t want them to feel like they have to fake perfection to make other people accept them or love them. I want them to know that there will be days where they will need grace and mercy and days where they will need to extend grace and mercy to others.

We all have a story, a past, made mistakes, experienced life changing events that have impacted us and helped shape us into who we are today. I long for the days I can sit up late talking to them like we are friends, sharing my past days of when I was little with them, all the dumb things I did, and all the fun adventures I lived as well, but Today is not that day.

Today is the day I show them love, and I teach them discipline. Today is the day I  train them up in the way they should live and treat others, how to make right choices, help mold their character, and  teach them to always do the right thing, even if it “feels” wrong. Today is the day I show them how to seek first the kingdom of God,  putting others needs before their own, and teach them how to love and forgive themselves and others around them.

It’s imperative that I share the love of Christ with them, building them up on truth and what God says about them! I think it is important that they realize that while I am their Mother here on this earth, there will be a time when I will be a sister in Christ, glorifying our Lord and Savior with them together some day.

I long for that day! That day when all this responsibility of being a Mom is gone and I am left with just being their loving sister in Christ. I will hope that they learned from me, received love from me, knew that I was just trying to give it my best, and while we were here together I loved them the closest to how God loves us, unconditionally!

When I think of how much I love them, my heart burst to know how much I am loved as a daughter of Christ! My love is far from perfect, but his love is perfect for me and every other Momma out there!

I am giving up on being the “Perfect Mom’, but  will never give up on becoming my best each day for them. They were hand selected just for me! When insecurities creep in my mind, I just remind myself that they are an exact reflection of Gods love, and a reminder that I have everything they need out of a Mom to raise them up to be bold and courageous soldiers for him!

If your an Expecting Mom, a New Mom, a Veteran Mom, a Step Mom, an Adoptive Mom, a Foster Mom, you have everything your child needs to feel loved and to be loved! Don’t seek perfection, seek Jesus, he who is Perfect will work out all the perfection you need from him through you for them, and remember in your weakest mommy moments, he is strong! Lean on him, cry to him, ask him to carry your burden load.

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How has being a Mom changed you? Are you seeking perfection on your adventure of motherhood? Please share and comment below.

Leigh Leigh

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