After a three day cloudy, gloomy, rainy, wet and cold weather spell in the middle of Winter, the sun came out during my drive to pick up my children from school. I could feel the golden warmth transcending through my wind shield. A brilliant idea popped into my head on this very chill cool January day. I would try to fake Summer! I blasted my heater as if to let myself become over heated, pretty much how one feels on any hot Summer day here in Texas! As the heat blasted through my air vents I couldn’t help notice the chill I couldn’t seem to shake. You know the feeling when you have been outside for a while and you can’t seem to warm up? My hands turned the freezing hard steering wheel, and I couldn’t help but notice the chilly air reflecting off my driver seat window touching my exposed skin. Even though I tried. I could not fake Summer!
It lead me to thinking….
You can’t fake Summer on a cold windy Winter’s day like you can’t fake feelings!
2 faces I am not!
Being two faced means you are not coming to terms that it is okay to be hurt by someone’s actions and words. You are not being true to yourself or the person you are faking out. You walk around with a big smile on your face and pretend to like someone who has caused nothing but trouble and heartache in your life, and the lives of others you love. You are fake and a phony. You think that by pretending to play nice it is going to make things all better. You think it is going to make the anger from being hurt, violated, or rejected go away. It doesn’t. It festers up, the monster grows elephantine inside your heart.
I have prayed for my enemies. I have forgiven over and over and over again. But still I am left with the same feelings I thought I took care of years ago.
What I realize today are these truths.
When I am weak, HE is Strong and HIS grace is sufficient for me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (Even if my weakness comes back time and time again.)
HE hears my cry for help, and delivers me out of my trouble. Psalm 34:17
HE understands how I feel. Hebrews 4:15
He will vindicate me, fight for me. Romans 12:19
I am loved, accepted, and forgiven. John 3:16
I am taking my “feelings” to God today. I am being honest with HIM expressing my hurts, my disappointments, my feelings, my hopes, my desires.. as I ask for forgiveness of my sins and ask him to be my rock, my strength, and to love like he does.
No more faking my feelings by forgiving others because I feel it is my “Christian duty,” and feeling resentful to God for it later when I don’t feel better, but surrendering it all to HIM!
Until the peace HE promises comes, and I believe it will come, I will continue to not fake my emotions and I will continue to not be a Woman of 2 faces.
I will let Go and Let God transform my heart for me by His power, by His Grace, by His Love.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me Strength and so can you!
Do you ever struggle with 2 faces?
Be you, Be true!
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