Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis

I have started this post about a million times. I have thought about the words I would use to describe every detail of the harsh reality of those words spoken to me on December 10, 2020, but my heart isn’t there anymore to share just that. Maybe another day. Today I wanted to talk about the supernatural grace God has given me to live with this disease. I want to flip the script for just a second. I don’t want to come at this as unsympathetic, trust me I lived those initial days, and if I am being honest have to be careful not to slip back into the thoughts of fear that came during that season in my life. The Devil is always knocking, trying to get to me through those familiar thoughts and feelings. I tell him to get out of here with that mess.

The Devil is a liar.

This much I know to be true. The Bible even gives us forewarning. His only mission is to kill, steal, and destroy, but Jesus came so we would have life abundantly. I had this crazy notion to hide my MS at first. The enemy came at me hard. You see I am in an intercessory ministry and praying for people to get healed is what we do. When I couldn’t feel my feet and could hardly stand for long periods of time (MS ATTACk) during one of these special ministry moments I felt so defeated and pathetic. What faith could I help bring to the table for God for these people. I am just a wounded bird who can’t even fly right now. The enemy wanted me silenced and definitely not helping advance God’s Kingdom here on Earth!

Let me explain where I stand in this matter. I believe that God will Heal me. I believe that. I believe that he does not want me sick. I believe that this was not from him. This was not a lesson to teach me, or nor was this done because I had done something wrong. LIES! And if you are reading this, and you have been believing these horrible things I urge you to stop and listen. God loves you! He would never punish us because of something we did wrong in the past. 1 John 1:9-He says that if we accept his son Jesus as our Lord and Savior, and we confess we our sinners; he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins, erased forever, as if we never sinned at all. The devil wants you in a self pity, self defeated stage. He wants you isolated, and he wants you powerless, because he knows that if you ever got wind of a renewed mind and a promise from the Lord, his schemes and weapons would be dismantled over your life. Yes even with a chronic illness.

So as much as I hate to say this; yes I have ms, yes it is a chronic illness, and yes I am fighting a monster that hasn’t left me yet. It is hard for me to admit that because deep down inside my spirit I know it’s only temporary. I know that I am bound by this here in the flesh UNTIL Jesus heals me, but my spirit is not! Praise God, it is not my FOREVER eternal condition, and it is not your FOREVER/ eternity as well! Oh, and it sURE as HECK is NOT MY IDENTITY! I am always ready and available if he wants to heal me today! 🙂

With the Right mindset and the Right measure faith and grace to believe, we can live very Happy, Joyful, Exciting, Adventurous, looooooong lives with a chronic illness. Why do I say that? Because it is what I believe! It is almost like a ha ha slap in the face because the enemy tried to put something else on us, that has no power over us because we are children of God. Hallelujah!!

So we must activate our faith! How do you do that? The Bible tells us that Jesus is the author and the perfecter of our faith. Hebrews 12:2 Pray and ask him for more faith to believe that we can still live free in him, no matter what medical labels are thrown on us, or terroist that try and high jack our immune system!

That sounds great, I know you are probably thinking, but I am not sure God has ever given me a promise. ?? That sounds new to me. If this is you I would encourage you to pray and ask the Lord for a Promise from him for this season.

In the mean time you can use the one he has given to me. He is a good Dad who shares with his children, and what he will do for me, he will do for you as well.

The morning before I went in for my very first MRI in October of 2020 I heard so clearly upon waking up to full consciousness. “My grace is sufficient for thee..”

I immediately got out my bible to find the scripture and read it allowed, tears flowing. I knew then I was about to hear the news I didn’t want to, as I had asked him to take this burden from me, and hope it wasn’t ms. I also knew he was with me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” There fore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Each and every day I wake up and I remind him of this Promise he made to me, and I also remind myself that he has my back, no matter what comes that day.

MS is not the mountain I wanted or even asked for, but with Faith to move mountains I will see the victory in the end, because I am more then a conqueror in Christ Jesus.

If you need some advice or someone to talk to please leave a comment. MS WARRIORS -You are not alone in your fight!

The Good Shepherd

 

Psalm 23 TPT

David’s poetic praise to God[a]
The Lord is my best friend and my shepherd.[b]
I always have more than enough.
He offers a resting place for me in his luxurious love.[c]
His tracks take me to an oasis of peace, the quiet brook of bliss.[d]
That’s where he restores and revives my life.[e]
He opens before me pathways to God’s pleasure
and leads me along in his footsteps of righteousness[f]
so that I can bring honor to his name.
Lord, even when your path takes me through
the valley of deepest darkness,
fear will never conquer me, for you already have!
You remain close to me and lead me through it all the way.
Your authority is my strength and my peace.[g]
The comfort of your love takes away my fear.
I’ll never be lonely, for you are near.
You become my delicious feast
even when my enemies dare to fight.
You anoint me with the fragrance of your Holy Spirit;[h]
you give me all I can drink of you until my heart overflows.
So why would I fear the future?
For your goodness and love pursue me all the days of my life.
Then afterward, when my life is through,
I’ll return to your glorious presence to be forever with you!

 

This Psalm resonates peace in my spirit in a time of uncertainty. Jesus our Good Shepherd, our Friend. Why Should I fear the Future? For His goodness and love pursues me all the days of my life. ALL the days of my life! Amen!

What is satan up to Today?

Four things he is trying to steal from you Today.

What is he trying to steal from me? What is he trying to steal from you?

  1. Joy
  2. Liberty
  3. Attention/ Focus
  4. Faith

Jesus came to destroy the works of hell. We learn this in Hebrews 2:14 “Since the children have flesh and blood, He too shared in their humanity so that by His death He might destroy him who holds the power of death, that is, the Devil.”

Each day we have a choice to co-labor with the Father through the Holy Spirit to see Heaven come down to earth. Anointed to do good works, and point others to Christ, the one who Saves. (Isaiah 61:1 NKJV) “The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, Because the LORD has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;

Today the Lord made it very clear that not only was I engaged in a spiritual battle, but this attack was specifically to distract me. As I got in the car and rehearsed the insanity of the day, my daughter brought it to my attention that tonight she wanted to pray for a little boy that enrolled in our school. He has a voice, but can not speak. She told me we needed to pray for God to heal his vocal cords because this was very important that he would need to talk in his life. As soon as she spoke those words of love for this child she has just encountered for the first time, the thought hit me how I missed that this morning. Though I was enrolling this student, anger was boiling under my surface lingering from a hellish attack before walking into the office, and I was trying to concentrate and keep my cool, praying for others was the last on my mind, sadly. 

The enemy will come against us every singe day. We have to be prepared for that. We have to pray on the Lord’s armor, he has not left us to fend for ourselves. As we shield up and seek his face in the midst of our adversaries attacks and schemes, he is faithful to fight for us. 

He will go after our joy. Why? Because the our joy is our strength. He wants us weak.

He will go after our liberty by deceiving us with circumstances that make us believe we will never get over this, surely it will not pass soon enough, we think. We will be enslaved in a negative mind set, a defeated mindset.

He will go after our focus. Who stops to think of others and their needs when they are only focused on themselves and their momentary feelings. He is blinding us to those around us in need. 

He goes after our faith. When it feels like the Lord is silent or we aren’t rescued soon enough. When we are slandered or lied on, mocked, or ridiculed, and we don’t get our vengeance, we start to fear and slowly our faith to stand tall becomes fading. 

Tomorrow you and I will be faced with another opportunity to either fall for his tricks, or pray for wisdom and revelation of the attack that is being launched at us. I pray that we would be sensitive to say no, not today satan. You will not steal my joy, my liberty, my focus, or my faith. Prepare to set your mind on things above and during the attacks take a deep breath,  and then quickly surrender your desire to control the situation to handle it on your own. 

The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

 

 

 

Habits for 2019 and beyond

10:44am Friday, January 4th

(Note to self -this is for me)

God is so awesome that he made my jaw drop when I read the first line of my devotion for today!

Let me back up. Every new year I obsess over becoming better then I was the year before. Weather it be more healthier, more intuned with the Holy Spirit, better wife, better mom, better daughter, the list goes on. So it was only natural for me to start figuring out what I would work on for 2019 and habits seemed to surface my mind. Apparently we as humans are habitual creatures who do most of life on habits we have unknowingly created weather good or bad. I was asking my husband if he had finished his habits book at work because I remember him sharing some of the things he was learning from it a few months ago.

Last night I was asking him more questions about it and he was quite taking by my new founded curiosity for this book. I could tell by the face he made as in like I was asking things way too late for his mind to process right before he shuts his mind down so he can sleep and get up early to go to work. However, I’m a chatter box and just carried on with extracting all my thoughts I had been thinking yesterday. “Did you know God is like way bigger then I think I can even comprehend!” I blurted as he snuggled tightly under his weighted blanket and 15 pillows. (He is a tall big muscular man, I get the 1500 pillows, I do! )

I hurried along to join him and I drifted off to sleep.

Each morning I wake up and I read my devotionals, so this morning was no different then before.

Now back to the jaw dropping….

A giggle and a smile swept over my face as I pressed in with my ears wide opened for what he was about to speak directly to me through the fine print. “Okay Lord, I’m listening!”

So 2019 what will it look like for me? Well let’s just say I will adopt God’s habit first, I trust you Jesus, then I will sprinkle on top of that some loving others and finding ways to bless them daily, combined with changing my eating habits to more Whole Foods/ less processed junk!

Lord Jesus thank you for your ways of teaching me what is important for my present time here on earth, help me to develop good habits this year Lord that will bless my mind, body, and soul, and bless others. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

-❤️ Me

2019 The Year of Endless Possibilities

7:03am January 3, 2019

I am laying wide eyed awake in bed this morning listening to nothing else but the sounds of my stomach gargle and the ceiling fan whirl. The sun has not made its grand appearance for today, and for whatever reason my subconscious knew my husband had to go back to work after a weeks vacation, and the sounds of his rumbling exhaust woke me.

It’s okay I am not bothered by this. I know we have a connection that desires to be in each other’s presence so I know deep down I was just reacting to his disappearance for today.

I wanted to take a few minutes to blog about what 2019 means to me. I went in prayer and asked the Lord to give me a hopeful word or words for his heart for me in 2019, and he whispered, ” Endless Possibilities!”

Although this phrase wanted to make me feel like I was about to become abundantly rich, as if I would win the largest lottery jackpot this year, deep down inside I believe it’s actually going to be far greater anything money can buy! I believe he is going to create endless possibilities to be a facet of his love to others. Maybe even endless possibilities to pray for others? Endless possibilities to be creative? Endless possibilities to serve?

The list goes on because after all He did say endless!

I want to allow my mind and heart to be consciously aware and remember these words each day this year. Especially when trials and tests come and I start to let my feelings dictate a hopelessness or defeat. (Note to self- work on feelings this year and STOP LETTING THEN RULE YOU!!)

The truth is we serve an endless infinite God who tells us in his word he is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond anything we can dare think, ask, or want.

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3:20-21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I believe he gave me this phrase just to specifically remind me that my hope is in an endless God. I can put my trust in Him.

Have you ever thought to ask God for a word to speak over you for 2019?

If you haven’t I want to encourage you to ask him! We know we can ask him for anything if we are willing to believe he will answer when we ask and receive by faith.

Maybe you won’t hear a word but he will bring attention to a word or a phrase through a devotion, a song, or a book.

I don’t actually hear his voice audibly, I hear my thoughts that I know I didn’t just think on my own. Some people call it intuition or coincidence, but it is actually the Holy Spirit communicating with our Spirit through our thoughts! 💭

How cool is that!!??

Well I am going to end this now, but I want you to know if you are reading this I am praying for you! I am praying that your heart would be receiving of just how awesome and powerful our God is and I pray he blesses you with endlesspossibilities for 2019! In Jesus name I pray! Amen!

💕-Ash’Leigh

Your Compliments Are Desperately Needed

Sunday December 2, 2018

Listen up!

Your words, they have power!

Your words can break through lies and deception.

Life these days are busy, hectic, anxiety filled, and short.

We are stuck in the rat race trying to mark our check lists off and get things accomplished so we feel like we living up to the worlds standards of success. In the mean time we are forgetting to slow down and love one another with our words.

I experienced the beauty of honesty and the power of lies being broken in a record time of 4 seconds.

My nine year old daughter has a knack for being impulsive and speaking her mind at any given moment. When she was a toddler this could leave me mortified as to what was about to escape those precious tiny lips. However today she teaches me the beauty of simplicity in a word that has become infested with man made complications.

Last week we had to take her in to see a doctor because her body was fighting a virus hence her elevated body temperature. Our regular family physician was booked up and I was desperate to get her seen that day so we went with a doctor she has never seen before.

During the exam the lady doctor was very graciously answering all of her worried nine year old questions about what all was going on on inside of her little body, when aburtly out of no where her impulsive colorful words filled the room as she said as honestly as can be, “You are so beautiful!”

The doctor gasped in these vibrant color words in shock as she covered her mouth as to keep them safe inside, then she paused for a moment almost as if she were about to cry as she said, “It has been close to 30 years since I have been told that.” She collected herself, smiled and resumed the exam.

I was frozen in my chair in amazement of the fact that this beautiful woman who had dedicated her life to helping others has not heard the words every woman loves to hear, needs to hear, should be entitled to hear in 30 years!

Her reaction made me feel the emptiness she must have been feeling up until the words were spoken to her from my big hearted daughter.

In this moment she paused long enough to let some love come in. She felt a little lighter I am sure and I pray she will remember those words when the days beat her up and she is glaring at her reflection in the mirror believing anything less.

I was then convicted in the harsh truth that I could have been one of those daring voices that could have spread beauty and color into others who have needed to hear it, too many God given opportunities in the span of my life, but never did out of fear of sounding silly or fake.

We need to slow down and we need to appreciate the privilege we have to share love with our words and not waste moments being to busy and so self consumed to compliment each other.

I am going to do it, the next time the opportunity presents itself to me. I am going to just blurt it out for all to hear the color words of compliments out of love to others.

My new slogan I’m adopting for 2019 is this: Don’t Hurry, be Happy!

Slow down and appreciate and acknowledge the beautiful people in your life along the way. 💖

Ash’Leigh Harris

A Slap in the Face Lesson on Grace

3:47 pm 11/20/2018 Tuesday

One would describe what I went through this past month as a hard blunt slap to the face. You know the kind of slap you see on the movie screen as the pompous jerk gets a very deserving SMACK across his face as his present girlfriend catches him making out with another chick.

The kind of slap that was warranted because I was flat out being a spoiled brat, arrogant, and puffed up with pride.

Someone whom I love dearly in my life and whom I won’t name for the confidentiality of their sake had a come- back-down-to-earth talk with as we were getting ready to spend some time together.

The come-back-down-to-earth talk stung painfully as if I had literally just been slapped across the face. It smacked some hard core anger and confusion inside my heart.

I felt the anger whelp up inside me as my heart raced and the heavy lump caught in my throat. “Don’t you dare cry, don’t do it!” I yelled at myself inside my mind. It was my pride blurting out this command.

Pride. He is always the ugliest and meanest inside my head. He makes me act my complete worst! He makes me act stupid, selfish, childish, you name it.

I took the come-back-down-to- earth talk as an attack. Of course pride is the one who takes most offense to this, after all pride is very selfish. Selfish had become my new middle name.

I decided I was going to shut it all down then maybe I would be loved and accepted. Maybe then I could get something, anything right with relationships with the opposite sex.

The next day instead of going to the gym at my routine 4:30am time I skipped and found myself wide awake in my husband’s big comfy recliner in our living room. I knew there was something waiting in hiding for me to discover, like a ruby in the sand. It was there and I was going to find it. All the answers to my problems. At some point the enemy had convinced me I didn’t even know how to love others. He mocked and ridiculed me and used the smack down to drill it into my soul that I only loved myself.

I started searching scriptures when I stumbled across an article on self righteousness.

For years I had been striving and preforming and obeying God but for all the wrong reasons. My heart was pure at first but then I became sucked into the lie that if I measured up to this list of laws I gave myself then I would become a “really good” disciple of Christ. He would be the proudest of me and he would want to shine his glory and works through me because I was on top of my Holy Spirit “A” Game. Finally, I was special.

What I didn’t realize was during this striving for perfection I was ignoring those around me in my pursuit to be the best godly woman. I was loving feeding my insecurities with what I thought to be things God needed out of me to accept me and do his work in my life. I was in love with how I felt. For you see I was a forever lost and insecure girl who turned into a rejected and insecure woman. In my pursuit to be my best for God, all those insecurities were not lying on the surface of my heart anymore.I was feeling good and I didn’t want to let go of the happiness I found in my performance, in the striving in Christ of course. At least that’s what I truly believed. The danger with this behavior is that it’s detrimental to yourself when you fail because then you feel low and defeated and unloved again; not good enough.

When I read that list of bullets that fell under a self righteous person, heavy wet tears filled my checks as they dripped off my chin and onto my lap. To my unpleasant surprise my actions and thoughts were a perfect illustration of each bullet.

I had turned into a self righteous monster.

“I don’t want to be that person anymore, but how can I not be?” I thought to myself.

It took a lot of time, energy, and effort creating my godly woman character I had designed and slipped on like an expensive glamours party dress. If it comes off I will be naked and exposed.

How could I just do this, it would ruin me and my burn my safety net of feeling good enough. Most importantly what would God think? Would he call me a fraud, insecure, ridiculous? Would he choose not to use me anymore? Would he be angry that I was trying to manipulate him with my striving to answer my prayers and feeling accepted by him?

I didn’t know what to think or how to fix this so Numbness became my best friend.

Numbness made me feel like the loneliest person and most far away from God. I would cry myself to sleep begging him to talk to me, begging him to let me sense his presence, begging him to lift the numbness but numbness was robbing me and controlling my thoughts.

See when numbness becomes your friend, you no longer feel, therefore you don’t even know what or how to feel. You become cold and isolated, and it’s the worst feeling I think I experience as a human. Numbness accompanies anger because when I can’t feel, I get angry.

So there I was as numb, angry, confused and felt like I completely screwed it all up with my creator, on top of that I felt undeserving of God’s love and the come- back -to -earth talk person’s love.

I needed to let go of control.

I needed freedom from the unverbalized agreement exchange that I had made myself with God: perfection and performance in exchange of his acceptance and approval.

I needed to pop all my pride like a bright yellow balloon flying high with a pretty white streamer attached to its base. Inflated by deception from the enemy. Inflated with my own selfish pride to be better then what God calls us to be.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks!

God wasn’t mad at me, he was so in love with me that he didn’t want me to continue my journey with him on the terms it set upon, the standards I created for relationship with him. So he allowed what should have shut me down to reteach me his design for relationship with him.

I needed to learn and experience his grace.

Interestingly enough my blog and Instagram name is Absorbing_Grace. I guess if the Lord has willed me the freedom to blog about absorbing grace, I needed a real life lesson on the subject!

This is what I learned.

The true exchange is my doubts and fears, insecurities, pride, perfection, need to be approved, envy, strife, control all of it for God’s love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness.

I will never be enough, but that’s okay because Jesus was and is, and Jesus made the ultimate exchange for me and you, when he bore all sins of humanity on the cross and laid down his life for us.

It was in that beautiful moment in time his exchange became enough for us all if we would just believe it, accept it, and confess it.

I told God I’m sorry for my foolish ways, sorry for my rebellion, my pride, and for believing I could control him in my life. I repented of that thinking and I told him I couldn’t live one day with out him in my life.

In this exchange his grace and love flooded my heart and Numbness was driven out of my soul. I could feel again! Love, excitement, peace, hope, it all came back to me!

Grace is an undeserved gift God gives us, his children.

Grace does not expect perfection, Jesus is our perfection.

Grace is not a sentence, grace is a comma.

Grace is continual.

Grace is a symptom of God’s love.

Grace can not be earned. It’s freely given.

Grace enables us to get back up after we fall or fail.

Grace is not a license to sin.

Grace enables forgiveness through Christ.

Grace enables us to be redeemed and saved through Christ.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

http://bible.com/59/2co.12.9.esv

“But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭11:6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

http://bible.com/59/rom.11.6.esv

“and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭3:24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

http://bible.com/59/rom.3.24.esv

Grace can be extended to others through us.

Grace allows us to forgive and love those who have hurt us.

Maybe it’s time for some self-reflection. Are you living under God’s grace, or are you trying to be a control freak like me and earn brownie points? We can’t earn them, lol!

❤️Ash’Leigh

Monday Motivation 

  
Monday’s bring newness, opportunities to be intentional, opportunities to start over, and start fresh!
Hebrews 13:16 presents each and everyone of us with a challenge to share with those in need! 
Maybe it is something as huge as your pocket, but maybe it’s just your time, your smile, your hug, your extended grace, your forgiveness, your love, an ear, your encouragement, your support, your help; whatever it may be I challenge you to go out and be a blessing on this beautiful MLKJ Monday! 
Xoxo

Leigh 

Follow me on Instagram @Absorbing_grace

Living on not Borrowed Time

    

There are 24 hours in a day.

168 hours in a week.

8,736 hours in a year.

Job 14:5 “You have decided the length of our lives.
You know how many months we will live, and we are not given a minute longer.”

Your life is no accident! The days you get to live here are not to be waisted away.

Each second is gifted to us by our creator to live a life worthy of our calling. A calling that is given to us to love God with all our heart, soul, strength, and mind, and to love our neighbor as we love ourself. A calling that we are tasked and equipped for to share the gospel, the Good news, about Jesus Christ.  

I feel encouraged, convicted, and inspired to make the most out of each day that is given to me. These moments in time are no accident. These days of life are not just for selfish pleasures, or to be taken for granted. We have a broken world filled with broken people who need to hear that there is going to be a day when all this brokenness is washed away. 

People need hope! They need healing! They need a Savior who will forgive them no strings attached. They need grace and forgiveness to be shown to them, and mercy for when they screw it all up big! 

We need to Love with no stings attached.

We need to help with no strings attached. 

How will you live out these next 24 hours of your life? Will you move when you fill lead to move, speak when the Holy Spirit prompts you to speak about Jesus, or will you continue to stay quite by fear or feelings of inadequacy?

I’m praying for you and for me this morning that God’s love may abide in us and overflow into others we come in contact with these next 24 hours. I’m praying for a revelation to hit our hearts that this is not just our life to live, but a life lived to bring Glory to our Heavenly Father.  

❤️ Leigh Leigh

I’m on Instagram now so find me and show me some love by liking my page and say hi!! Absorbing_Grace

Afraid/Hopeless/Selfish, It’s never too late to Change

 

*Please pardon my absence! We are now T minus 3 days from being out of Preschool! I will have one week to maintain order in my home before the children are out of school for summer!

lovefran.com
lovefran.com

I sit here in a reminiscing mood. I don’t think I have shared with you the inspiration for this blog. Have you heard of a music group called For King & Country? They released a song on the radio last year called Fix my Eyes. Every time I would hear the words “Fight for the weak ones, Speak out for Freedom” my heart would beat fast and hard. There was a passion growing inside of my heart to share with others the love of Christ. I am just yet one voice of millions, billions, and if you know me personally a very soft-spoken voice at that, so it would only make sense that I would write and not speak out loud! Amazingly enough God doesn’t care how loud or quiet we are he can still speak through us all.

Let me share the Chorus so you can see what I am talking about:

I’d Love like I’m not scared
Give when it’s not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on You
On You

Today as I am reflecting on the words of this song I can’t help but feel insecure. My blog tends to be an accountability for me. It helps hold me accountable to living a healthy life style from the inside out! It would not benefit you or me the least bit if I didn’t live out the topics and advice I give here on this blog!

Sometimes I feel like a fraud because I can get my feathers ruffled in a jiffy, I can have the don’t want to’s to get up and go work out, and there are days I don’t pick up my Bible.. I am so far from perfect it is pathetic, and sharing my walk with Jesus makes me feel vulnerable of harsh judgments. These feelings also make me hesitant to continue to write.

The truth is………..sometimes…………some days……

To love like I am not scared seems impossible. I am scared! I am scared that I am going to get hurt! I am scared that someone will take advantage of me or worse not accept my love as true or genuine.

Give when it’s not fair.. how many times have I shouted out loud, this isn’t fair!!!! How many times have I been angry, while smiling and bearing that big fake grin, trying to convince myself that as a women of faith I’m doing the right thing, the “Christian” thing by trying to be my friendliest! Meanwhile I am not taking the root problem to God so he can do a work in my heart, which is breeding resentment, anger, and lots worse.

Live life for another, take time for a brother… there are days I am pumped to be a blessing to someone, but I would be lying to you if I told you I never have days where I would rather lock myself in my bedroom and watch chick flicks on Netflix all day! There are days where I wish I could rush motherhood, rush work, rush life, etc.

Fight for the weak ones, speak out for freedom….how many times have I gone mute in a situation I should have been courageous enough to take a stand for someone who was too afraid to speak up for themselves! How many times have I been too afraid to stand up for myself! Those moments leave me empty inside. How many opportunities have I wasted sharing the gospel with a stranger, a friend?

Find faith in the battle…the battles that come in short spurts, or torrential downpours in my every day life. I have to admit some days I lose hope in battles I have been fighting while praying for grace to get me through. I doubt in faith when I need it the most. Why? I don’t know why! I think it has something to do with being human. Battles of being a Mom, a friend, a co-worker. I find my biggest battles usually are the ones I wage within myself in my mind. Am I doing this whole Jesus loving thing right? Am I being a light in a dark place? Salt in the world?

And the worst part of it all is some days I don’t have my eyes fixed on Jesus, I have my eyes fixed on other things like worrying about drama, attractions this world offers us, or just distractions that show up and stay a while.

Just thinking about how imperfect I am leaves me craving his love and grace more. Knowing that He knows I am imperfect , but still chose to die for me so that I would be covered in his grace, forgiveness, and love makes me love Him more. On my worst days, He still loves me the same!

We are all imperfect, no matter what calling we have on our lives. Everyone just have bad days here and there. Everyone falls short of his glory,  but everyone can still receive his forgiveness in the areas we fall short in, and everyone can receive Christ power to over come any obstacle they are facing on any given day!

So today I admit my short comings, my distractions, my desires of wanting my own control and my own way in life.

I don’t have it all together, but I know and have the One who knows how to keep me all together, and His grace is sufficient for me!

If you listen to all the words of Fix my Eyes, you learn that the song is about going back to a younger version of yourself and living a more selfless and brave life! It is never to late for you or for me to …

Love like WE ARE not scared
Give when it’s not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix OUR eyes on CHRIST

I challenge you on this Monday to live Fearlessly, Recklessly, and Radically for Christ!

 

Here is the song on Youtube!

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Hugs,

Leigh Leigh

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