Tag: faith

In the Middle of the Storm: Learning Who I Am While Life Is Unresolved

I am in the middle.

In the thick of it.

The chaos is swirling from every direction, and my mind is constantly trying to process the ebbs and flows of the punches life keeps throwing.

I started this blog from the perspective of learning how to stay steady in yourself while life remains unresolved…

and here I am.

Still learning.

Still becoming.

I have found myself this year in a constant battle—not of fixing everything around me—but of not losing myself while everything around me feels unstable.

Anger. Confusion. Resentment. A deep sense of unfairness.

It all stacks up.

It becomes heavy.

Unsettling.

And unlike anything I can simply “step away from.”

There is no escape plan for this kind of storm.

No shelter to hide in.

No boat to ride it out safely in the distance.

It is just me.

Facing me.

Learning me.

Trying to cope with things that feel unresolved and without clear reconciliation.

Relationships are hard.

Especially in dysfunctional family dynamics.

It often feels like no one gets what they want while continuing to repeat the same cycles over and over again.

But I have become aware.

Aware of the patterns.
Aware of the cycles.
Aware that I actually have the power to step out of the constant rotation I’ve found myself in.

But awareness is not simple.

Awareness brings clarity—but it can also bring fear.

And fear, if we are not careful, can begin to change us.

It can make us emotionally numb. Bitter. Angry. Detached.

It can slowly reshape our inner character.

Because the human body wants to protect itself from pain.

And sometimes, in trying to avoid our own pain… we end up passing pain onto others.

And I don’t want to become that person.

The one who was hurt and then hurts others.

I have spent my whole life fighting not to become that version of myself.

But I would be lying if I said there aren’t moments lately…

where the temptation to become cold just to survive feels easier.

Where becoming the “villain” in someone else’s story feels like a form of protection.

Because when you have been pushed aside for a long time…

unseen…
unheard…
unappreciated…

it wears you down.

So I sit.

I write.

I think.

I try to make sense of what is swirling inside of me.

And I gently ask myself:

Who do you want to be when this storm passes?

Because even if it takes years…

it will pass.

Do I want to become jaded?

Cynical?

Bitter?

Closed off?

Emotionally disconnected?

Or do I want to stay soft in places where life is trying to harden me?

I have learned that suppressing my emotions for too long has taken a toll on me—not just emotionally, but physically as well.

So I am learning to be present in my body.

To sit with what I feel instead of burying it.

And today, when I try to push it all aside, I ask myself:

Will I let circumstance and injustice change who I am at my core?

Will I let it dim my light?

Will I let it taint the way I love?

“To thine own self be true.”

It is a phrase I keep tucked in my heart on days like this.

And I can’t help but also hear the words of Jesus whispering in my spirit:

“The truth shall set you free.”

I want freedom from this storm.

I want forgiveness in my heart.

I want truth.

I want reconciliation.

I want clarity.

And I believe that if certain truths were exposed, it would bring freedom.

But sometimes… that exposure doesn’t come when we want it to.

And maybe that is where the deeper work is done.

Maybe the only way through the waiting is not losing ourselves in the process.

Maybe the path forward is staying anchored in who we truly are.

Anchored in truth.

Anchored in love.

Anchored in God.

Because I do believe there is a line we all walk.

A dangerous one I am learning to recognize:

The line between peace and control.

Because it is easy to manipulate situations in the name of peace.

To perform love.

To keep things calm on the surface while suppressing what is real underneath.

But that kind of peace is fragile.

It doesn’t last.

It breaks when life shifts again.

So instead, I am learning this:

Do not build peace on control.
Do not build love on performance.
Do not build healing on suppression.

Stay anchored.

Stay rooted.

Stay true.

Even when nothing around you feels resolved.

Steady.
Present.
Trusting God in the middle.

If you’re in a season that feels unresolved, heavy, or emotionally loud… I want you to know you’re not alone in it.

Have you ever found yourself trying to stay true to who you are while everything around you feels like it’s shifting?

I’d love to hear from you.

I Used To Think Peace Came After Fixing Everything

I used to believe peace was something I would reach once everything was fixed.

Once I understood it.

Once I improved it.

Once I got it under control.

If something felt off in my body, my emotions, my thoughts, or my life—I would immediately try to figure out what needed to change.

I thought that meant I was being responsible.

I thought that meant I was taking care of myself.

But what I didn’t realize at the time was how much pressure I was living under.

The pattern I didn’t see

My default response to discomfort was always the same:

Fix it.

Solve it.

Adjust it.

Move past it.

Even internally.

If I felt anxious, I tried to understand it.

If I felt tired, I tried to optimize it.

If something felt emotionally heavy, I tried to process it quickly so I could feel “okay” again.

I didn’t realize I wasn’t actually staying with myself.

I was constantly trying to move away from what I was feeling in order to fix it.

And over time, that became exhausting.

What I started noticing

The more I tried to fix everything, the more disconnected I felt from myself.

Not because anything was “wrong” with me…

But because I never stayed long enough to actually be present with what was happening.

I was always in motion internally.

Always adjusting.

Always analyzing.

Always trying to reach resolution.

But peace kept feeling further away.

Not closer.

What I’m learning instead

I’m learning something that has changed the way I move through my life:

Not everything is meant to be fixed immediately.

Some things are meant to be noticed.

Some things are meant to be felt.

Some things are meant to be lived through without rushing to resolve them.

Discomfort isn’t always a problem to solve.

Sometimes it’s just information.

Sometimes it’s just a moment passing through.

And I don’t have to fix it right away to be okay.

I can stay.

What peace is starting to look like now

Peace is no longer feeling like everything is in order.

It’s starting to feel like:

I don’t have to immediately fix what I feel

I can stay present without rushing to escape it

I can trust myself even when things feel unclear

I don’t have to resolve every discomfort to be okay

It’s quieter than I expected.

And slower.

If you’re here

If you’ve ever felt like you have to fix everything inside you just to feel okay…

I understand that.

I’m learning to unlearn that too.

And I’m still in it.

Still becoming.

Still learning how to stay.

Leigh Leigh

The Irony of “Let’s Just Go”

That is the saying on my cute floral license plate cover on my ride. It reads, “LET’S JUST GO.”

I kind of find the irony humorous, considering the type of driver I actually am. What would you call it—rigid, timid, unsure, probably going to linger a little too long at a yellow caution light because I don’t want to cut you off? Cautious? Defensive?

You know the one. The driver who counts to three after the light turns green. The one who waits years to turn left on yellow. Yup—that’s me. I’m the girl you’re probably road-raging at, yelling, “GO! JUST GO! Oh my gosh, GO ALREADY!”

And then you look down, read my adorable floral license plate cover that says LET’S JUST GO, and you eye-roll thinking, The nerve of this lady. She isn’t even going—so why is she announcing that we should?

True story. One day my daughter and I were leaving a store, sitting in a left-turn lane on yellow. The guy behind me was honking and motioning for me to go, but there was a steady stream of oncoming cars. Darting out just to get him off my bumper wasn’t worth endangering my life—or anyone else’s.

In my cute naïveté, I almost thought he was trying to tell me something was hanging out of my trunk. I was genuinely confused… until he sped up on my right, cut me off in the intersection, flipped me off, and darted in front of the oncoming traffic that had the right of way.

I was stunned by the nerve. The audacity. The impatience.

I sometimes think I should replace my license plate cover altogether. But then again—it doesn’t say “Let’s just go already!!!” People need to chill.

“Let’s just go.” Sometimes I want to scream that phrase at others in my life. Obviously, I wouldn’t swerve them, cut them off, flip them off, or jeopardize their safety in the process. It’s just that the phrase has purpose, even if it doesn’t always possess speed.

Maybe it’s a command—but not a rush.

When we’re in the car, everyone is in a hurry. But in life, when we just need to move forward, there isn’t always a fire under our feet or a road-rage driver in our rearview mirror.

Why do we tend to not just go? For me, it comes down to uncertainty—gauging distance, timing, depth, and not wanting to cause harm by moving too soon.

And if I want people to have patience and grace for my overly safe driving, I should learn to extend that same grace to friends who are cautious, hesitant, or simply not ready to put the pedal to the metal in their own season.

We should go wisely, not recklessly.
We should go when it’s safe—when we have peace.
We should go after seeking the Lord for His wisdom in the matter.

I love Proverbs 3:5–6:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”

So next time you feel the urge to yell, JUST GO, pause. Step back. Examine the situation. Is there truly a rush—or are you just impatient with someone else’s process?

Walking alongside others who are still in trials you’ve already finished can tempt you to rush them toward freedom. But I believe it’s in those long pauses that the Lord does His best work. After all, He says, “Be still and know that I am God.”

Now if only we could convince the road-raged guy behind us—five minutes late to his meeting—that maybe this pickle isn’t our fault after all.

Maybe ‘Let’s just go’ was never about speed at all—it was always about trust!

God’s Promise- Something New

Isaiah 43 But now, this is what the Lord says—
    he who created you, Jacob,
    he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.

18 “Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.

I have probably read Isaiah 43 at least fifty times in the last five years, and somehow I never caught what hit me today: the undeniable fact that God’s children went through it—and still, God promised restoration. Not only did God’s children have to live through the chaos of their circumstances, but God was with them in every moment of it. Maybe silently. Maybe unseen. But present.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.”
“When you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.”
“When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned.”

God never said his Children wouldn’t face waters or fires. He said those waters wouldn’t drown them and those flames wouldn’t consume them.

I sit here and I think about all the seasons of my own life that felt like rough waters—moments that could have pulled me under. Times when the currents were so strong I lost sight of the direction I wanted to go. I’ve had fire seasons too—moments where it felt like everything around me was reduced to ash. Dreams burned up. Relationships scorched. Foundations I trusted turned to dust. And yet… somehow I was still standing. Still breathing. Not untouched, but not destroyed.

And then I read this text, and it feels like God is saying:
“I know you’ve been through it. I was there. I didn’t let it take you out. But now—listen—there is more.”

You see the wilderness? The wasteland left behind by the floods and fires?
Yes, it’s barren. Yes, it’s broken. But watch what I can do with it.

Let Me restore you.
Let Me rebuild what died while you were still standing.
Let Me do something new…right here, in the middle of the mess.

This post is for the one who is tired—tired of fixing things, controlling things, manipulating life just to make sense of it all. I want to encourage you today to sit with the Holy Spirit and write out a timeline of the “water rushing” and “fire burning” moments in your life—those seasons that felt like they were meant to destroy you.

Bring them to the Father. First and foremost give him thanks for letting you survive them! Ask Him to help you imagine the new that is going to spring up from your wastelands. Because the key to moving forward from this passage is simple and direct:
We must forget the former things and not dwell on them.

Make peace with the fact that you can’t go back and redo the past.
Make peace with the regrets—the “I should have…” and the “If only…” moments.
Make peace with the ways you tried to change it, control it, or make it better.

Forgive the people who participated in those fires.
Do not dwell on it.
Don’t let it linger, or fester, or suffocate the “now.”

Let it go.

PRESS ON!

My Journey: From Logic’s Grip to Faith’s Freedom

For the past year and a half, I’ve been on a profound spiritual journey with the Lord. I’ve granted myself grace to let it unfold naturally—a process that involved plenty of trial and error. Flipping through my journal now, I see the raw struggles: the internal wrestling between logic and faith that kept me up at night. Logic craves explanations, demands answers to every “why.” Faith, though? It trusts. It hopes and believes, even without seeing the evidence.

This clash traces back to childhood. To cope with daily trauma behind our home’s closed doors, I leaned hard on the logical side of my brain. Secrets no child should endure forced me to mask my emotions, burying them so deep I couldn’t even access them for guidance later in life. Making sense of the chaos meant analyzing it logically: understand the “whys,” hide the pain, and pretend it away. I’m sharing this to explain why a logical lens has dominated my mindset—and maybe yours too. Perhaps you’ve never realized how this analytical filter shapes (or limits) how you see the world.

The dam broke on a sweltering Texas summer day. I was driving home, trailing my husband on his newly tuned Harley, the air thick with heat. Leading up to it, I’d been devouring faith-based podcasts, grappling with my identity, coping mechanisms, and survival strategies—all built on logic. I’d just ended a call with an Alongside Nurse prepping me for my first dose of DMT (a treatment I’d sworn off but finally accepted to fight the autoimmune disease diagnosed three years earlier). My husband’s gentle words still echo: “I think you should try the meds. Your body could use the extra help right now.”

In that moment, I realized I couldn’t do it all alone—no matter how stubborn I was. It’s okay to ask for help when you need it (and honesty check: we always do at some point). But back to the call—I was wrecked. Disappointed in “bowing down” to medication after vowing natural healing only. Why now? Why this chronic illness? God! Hot tears streamed as frustration boiled over. Finally, I confessed what I’d buried: “I don’t trust you, God!”

There it was—raw honesty. Now He could work. The Holy Spirit began uprooting that deep lie of distrust. My wrestling softened from a grip to horseplay. “But I want to trust You,” I whispered. And so it began: little by little, I let go of logic as my idol, my false truth, my substitute god. “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

I’d love to say transformation hit by fall—haha, nope. Emotional turmoil lingered, but I pressed on. I surrendered running life on my terms, ditching logic’s dictation for grace-fueled living. One day, one moment at a time. I dropped what I’d clung to: setting tough boundaries with loved ones, even stepping away from two ministries I’d poured myself into. In hindsight, I was shedding hides and retreating to a cave for healing. Weeks blurred into months—a full season. Just over a year since that confession, I’m still releasing logic for faith: trusting He holds the answers, freeing me from masking my true self.

In this season, it means slowing down, hushing external noise. Chasing logical “evidence” exhausts you—bombarding your mind with facts, or burying issues in busyness to avoid facing them. I promised myself grace to just be. No fixing flaws I hated, no overanalyzing. Live present: this moment, then the next. Until distractions crept in—meh, work in progress, right?

This summer brought the freedom I’d craved. I stopped self-demands, ditched expectations, quit performing for validation. My husband’s extended leave (a blessing from his company’s foster care support) catalyzed it all. We manage our foster child together, and his 12 weeks off felt like a gift.

Imagine life on a rigid routine, where alone time was your only relief to logically dissect shortcomings. Imagine believing unmet goals meant total failure—a downward spiral. Interruptions used to crush me: restart, do better, be better. Yada yada.

But after his first four weeks off—leaving me 5 pounds heavier, out of shape, house chaotic—I shifted. The next chunk? Pure enjoyment. I told the devil to shut up, kicked back, and savored lunches out, DQ Blizzards (worth every calorie!). No fear of his return or mental chaos.

Slowing down with him was a soul vacation. How to carry it forward? By releasing body image obsessions and cardio guilt, I stopped fixating. Truth hit: All we have is now. Yesterday’s gone; tomorrow’s not promised. Why obsess over future shame or past regrets? What’s the point?

Slowing down isn’t stagnation—it’s beholding the moment, making it count. We’re passengers in these earthly bodies. Why rush monumental tasks? Logic bosses us, craving control. Faith invites imagination, carefree presence.

Choosing Faith Today: Your Turn

I’ve decided: Let logic go. Manage time and energy by faith—it creates space to slow down.

How about you? Live the rest of today trusting God’s goodness and love. He values you without checklists or performance. He’s after the love He’s placed in you—steward that well.

What’s one way you can release control today? Share in the comments—I’d love to hear your story.

Much love,

Leigh Leigh

Gossiping With Our Daughters Does More Harm then Good

We have the influence to teach our daughters how to stop the enemy in his tracks!

With their mouths the godless destroy their neighbors, but through knowledge the righteous escape. Proverbs 11:9

Hey Momma! I wanted to shine some light on an area I believe as Mom’s we tend to over look because we think we are woman and by nature we like to gossip or defend with gossip especially pertaining to our daughters.

It is something we learned a long time ago in our childhood. We got upset. Some girl hurt our feelings so who do we trust? Who do we go and run to in a state of crisis (especially the younger aged girls trying to figure out life in 4th grade on up) Our Momma!! By God’s design as a woman and mother we are the spiritual guiders and the protectors of our children. After all, they are the fruit of our wombs, our treasures, our babies, and NO ONE better inflict pain or grief on what is ours! When we are not spiritually discerning and concentrating on TRUTH, we can over look our position as the soft landing, the hug, the reassurance, the security that they are so desperately needing in that moment of such horrific attack. So what we do is at an early age we create a very bad habit of teaching them to cope with their feelings by slinging mud back. We teach them that it is okay to lower someone else’s character/personality/actions by counter attacking with harsh and mean words to make us feel better in that moment.

It commonly can look like this…

“Mom! I am so upset! Kaitlyn today started to make fun of my jeans at lunch. She was telling everyone that I can’t be friends with her or whoever likes her because I am a mean person. Ugh she makes me so mad, she is the one that is stupid and says mean things to those girls she thinks are her friends behind their back. It really hurt my feelings when she started making fun of my jeans. I know I have different style but in front of every one in the cafeteria. Everyone was staring at me and laughing and I just wanted to hide under the table.”

Angry Momma Bear response;

“Kaitlyn huh? You mean Kaitlyn the girl who always has a dirty sweater on and her hair is never brushed? I can’t believe that girl had the nerve after all the things she wears. I mean I can’t even believe her mom lets her leave this house like that? Do they even own a washing machine? Don’t worry about her honey, you are way prettier, way smarter, why stylish then her. She is just jealous. Next time talk about her dirty hair at the lunch table. That should make her stop.”

And wow it just gets really ugly and out of control fast.

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21

When we gossip we are two people speaking words of power (blessings and curses) and coming into agreement with them together. The mud we are slinging back onto the girls are not from heaven. They are from the pits of hell. We know Satan is the Accuser of the brethren. Can you see all the curses that are flying when we team up with our daughter and fight back with unkindness?

 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. James 3:9-10

Instead what we can do is lure the enemy into our camp, and then STRIKE HIM DOWN.

So what he meant for evil and such attack on dear daughter’s identity now becomes an opportunity for you to tare down his strongholds over her mind, and release freedom over her to stop believing the lies he wanted her to identify as truth in the first place, using the attacker friend as a messenger to manifest untruth in her current reality about herself.

Let me explain. You can not protect baby girl from all the evil and mean girls in the world! You will never be able to no matter what her age is, but if you are a wise momma you can give her tools to rise above the gossip and the mean word curses by giving her a super natural weapons called discernment, truth, and love.

One day the Holy Spirit gave me discernment on just how to have this moment with my daughter. I spoke the words out of my mouth he was giving me, and even though she did not enjoy it, she was finally able to calm down and understand that out of love I was trying to guide her into walking in truth and love and not hate. (It was also a wonderful illustration that she would be able to remember and hold on to.) I am thankful that the father aided me in this situation. The Bible says all we have to do is ask for wisdom and he will give it to us. It is so important as a Mom to reach out to PaPa God and seek his guidance in all areas of raising babies in our motherhood! So just a side note-ask him for help when you don’t know what to say!

I quickly explained to her that we live in a Seed–Plant–Harvest Ecosystem.

I then further explained that because of this Ecosystem we reap what we sow.

Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips. Psalms 141:3

I told her to imagine that she has this Fruit Garden that she toils. For each kind word she speaks over her friends at school, or enemies..she plants a seed that will grow the most beautiful apple trees. I explained that these were not just any kind of apples, but the Best tasting juiciest apples she has ever flopped her lips to. I then told her to imagine what a mean and ugly word would produce? Every thing spoken out of your mouth is ready to be set into motion, wether good or bad, for us or against us. Our words have POWER. God’s words have so much power he Spoke everything into being! Can you imagine what kind of fruit is going to grow from a ugly tree? She sat there and you could tell it was trying to sync in. But this stuff is hard to let become truth because the FLESH feeds off offense, jealousy and anger! It gets a power surge when it feels like after it has been offended it let out the harder blow. Placing it on top, feeling like a winner. How foolish though because in reality the only thing that we feed to make feel good was the flesh, and now that tree we just planted has some stinky nasty fruit about to grow. When you get a nasty stinky garden, people around you can see and smell the rotten fruit, and guess what? You are not appealing to someone they want to be a friend to!

I then told her to remember the girl that flung the mood is planting as well at the same moment. She has a garden too. If her actions and words are ugly and harsh to those around her, she will eventually start losing friends because of the not so attractive garden she is cultivating. She did strike first. She did initiate the war so to speak on words, but you don’t have to fall for the enemies trick to cause you to spoilup your beautiful garden. That ugly is all on them. Let her keep it, not share it and cause your Garden to be contaminated.

I know this is hard. We are not so great a mastering our tongues, but there is Grace for the times we mess up. Grace to realize our feelings got us out of control, repent- forgive and try again to make a better choice in the future. You have to be very disciplined to keep a watch over your mouth.We can also along with our daughters stretch and grow in this mouth area! I know it is hard but I do believe that if we teach them this at a super EARLY age, and we continue to model to them what is the best use of our words and time as we communicate with others, and them about their problems, we are building their endurance up to exercise those spiritual truths and spiritual disciplines.

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good….Titus 2:3

Ways to Grow Together not Gossip Together

  • Watch your own actions and words. She is watching you interact with your friends wether you notice her doing this or not. She is listening to how you react to harsh words spoken to you and what your responses are.
  • Be attentive and intentional– Listen to her side of the story. Let her know you care about her feelings being upset.
  • Be truth and Wisdom-Discern how the enemy has used this to attack her using her friend as the messenger. Then reveal truth in that discernment. Teaching our girls to look at the situation from a fresh perspective will help them to realize our emotions have a huge impact on what is actually fact or fiction.
  • Be the light in the Darkness– Pull out the GOLD and strengths inside of your daughter; pin point the insecurity and then build her up! Take the focus off the attacker and onto the deep seated root of her pain. Remind her that we have one enemy and he uses people to attack us.
  • Pray– Break that word curse off of her, ask the Holy Spirit to give her a chance to bless this person, and then pray for freedom to walk away. Teach her how to pray for those who hurt her. Ask that the father would open their eyes and remove the veil of darkness that is keeping them from seeing truth themselves. Also, pray for strength to remove herself from the situation and bite her tongue. Pray for discernment for your daughter so that when these word attacks come, she can see the enemy and his schemes or plan of attack. Pray spiritual armor over your daughter each day together. Teach her how to do this for herself as well.
  • Affirm to her the love you have for her, how special she is, and how much God loves her and desires her to walk each day out no matter what her age may be in freedom in him, and LOVE!

Father help us to steward motherhood rooted in your love and truth. I ask that you would give us spiritual discerning eyes to see the enemy and his attacks towards our children and their God given identity. Let us speak the words of love and truth over them and to them, and God please give them a heart to receive truth. Give our daughter spiritual antennas to realize that they wrestle not with girls at school, but with spiritual powers and principalities and darkness of this world, but greater is HE who lives in her than he who is ruler of this world. Give us strength to learn the lessons again that we have missed from our childhood. Let us be women who speak truth over our friends and enemies when people are looking and listening and not looking or listening. Help us to understand that our words have power to bless and to curse and help us to be disciplined in this area to have soft words like honey to put out the fires of the darts flown into our own camps! Thank you for your wisdom and revelation on this topic. I pray that the woman reading this would be blessed, strengthened, and encouraged in her role as Momma! In Jesus Name! Amen

Ash’Leigh Harris

Jesus’s Luxurious Love

The older I get the more I understand and can appreciate the word Luxurious.

When we are younger we don’t pay much attention to the details. Whatever makes us happy or feels good, out of ignorance and youth we indulge, and we are just fine. As we age we gladly exchange comfort for the extra cash. Honestly 20 year old me would have been ecstatic to book a hotel that had a swimming pool. Mid 30’s me is all about that Jucuzzi bath tub and KING SIZE bed. Oh, and you better believe I am reading the reviews to see if this place is COMFORTABLE and CLEAN!

Luxurious to us is heated and cooled seats, extra fur in those house slippers, a silk robe, a big comfy couch we can melt into, or maybe even upgrading to the next package weather it be a spa day, bedroom suit, car, etc. In a nut shell when I hear luxurious I know it is the top of the line, maxed out, all bells and whistles, and I will benefit the comfort and enjoyment it brings to me.

I was reading Psalms 23 today out of the Passion Translation and what really caught my eye was the word luxurious attached to the Lord’s love. The scripture actually reads:

2 He offers a resting place for me in his luxurious love. His tracks take me to an oasis of peace, the quit brook of bliss. 3 That’s where he restores and revives my life.

I stopped and closed my eyes for a moment. I imagined being in a true place of rest. A true surrender to my savior who offers me and welcomes me in to his luxurious love. I imagined the whole room was softly light, the smells were only the finest aromas of luscious flowers, the room had a huge couch that was covered in red silk. Honestly my mind can’t really perceive just how amazing this place was. Classy, fine, sophisticated, and a safe place created just for me. A room with all the upgrades; the bells, the whistle, and Jesus himself giving me his full attention as I just rested beside him.

That is our Jesus. He is so loving, so kind, and so luxurious. I imagine he has BIG swagger, and all the mansions he is building for us up in heaven makes the worlds most expensive luxurious mansion look like a Polly pocket home in comparison. I imagine there are technologies, fabrics, and “comforts” we have never seen, heard, or felt.

His love is so rich the closest word we can get to in our human dictionary is luxurious. His love is so soft, so enjoyable, so comfortable, so peaceful, so valuable, so powerful.

So, the next time your sister or your friend says you need to go rest, remember what opportunity is being presented to yourself. Really rest in his goodness. Rest in his love for you!

He is waiting to restore your soul in his luxurious love!

What are you waiting for?

It’s Your Choice, Life or Death

It amazes me that no matter what our circumstances are in our lives we actually get to choose how we are going to navigate through them. Like seriously, that seems almost imposible to comprehend to me. With so many decisions that have to be made on the daily, we are in control of our actions. Notice I said our actions!

Depression is a black misty fog monster. It swallows you up in the depths of it’s belly and it wants to keep you there hidden from the outside world. Depression doesn’t care if it’s your loved one’s Birthday, or vacation time. He usually comes with out warning, and over stays the uninvited welcome.

I know Depression, and because of my autoimmune disease and childhood trauma, I am extra sensitive to being snatched up by it.

If you are not familiar with it yourself, it can make you feel lifeless like a zombie, uninterested with life, emotionless, sad, afraid, hopeless, empty, angry, the list goes one, and it can manifest itself differently each time.

For me I have noticed a Cycle. It will start with extreme anxiety and panic attacks which make me feel helpless and out of control and them BAM…the Black Mist, and my emotions are high jacked, I can’t process words to describe what is going on in the inside, and then….. hope defered.

Last night I had hit that bottom of the rope. I was getting aggravated with myself. “Ash, you have already been healed of so much trauma in your life, why are you taking us into the deep end? We wont be able to keep our chins above water, and I don’t see any life savors floating out here.” I kept trying to remember how did I get to be mentally sound minded like I was just 12 months ago before this ms diagnosis?

And wouldn’t you know it, it all started with a surrender heart and a yielded spirit to the Lord. Joyce Meyer’s Battle Field of the Mind was the second book I read, Beauty from Ashes was the first.

Then it hit me. If I want to get well, if I want to be healed, if I want to be back to joyful me I WOULD HAVE TO MAKE A CHOICE.

Dueteronomy 30:19

19 This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against youthat I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Seeking the Lord for his grace and strength is part of choosing LIFE. Jesus is LIFE. His Word is Life. His Spirit is Life. Apart from him we are spiritually dead. Did you know you have a Spirit, Soul, and a Body? Did you know you are to align your Spirit to lead your Soul (mind, will, emotions)?

When we make the choice to be lead by our emotions, we are actually out of alignment and we are being lead by the flesh; our souls.

Depression is a Lying Spirit. Depression thrives on our emotions, our will. That is why it feels so real, because it was a weapon designed to smite us at our weakest part -the soul.

When you are saved, you get a new heart and your spirit is reborn with Christ. But, unfortunately you don’t get a new soul. However God didn’t leave us without help, and he tells us to renew the spirit of our minds. This is where discipline and self control come into play. Also where receiving salvation in Christ through grace and working it out through fear and trembling becomes priority. The Bible tells us that we are being transformed from Glory to Glory in Christ. So being human, and having this human experience has it’s cost. Sure we can bow down to the flesh and give it what it wants, but its a choice, and apart from God it is clear it leads to death.

What I realized was this was my formula I used in the past. 👇🏻

My surrendered heart, my faith and trust in God + God’s love and mercy over me, God’s sufficient Strength = Freedom to Heal

You make a choice then you let go of the fear and trust God to walk with you every day with this choice you have made. This choice means every day you get to walk with a Savior who is relational- a person- not just a statue on a shelf. Every day you get to walk in the Spirit, be lead by the Holy Spirit, and fellowship with the Holy Spirit through prayer and worship.

To not choose to Trust God to be your Sufficient Grace for the Hard things in life means you are Choosing yourself, trusting yourself, and your own strengths. I don’t know about you but I am glad I am not a God because I would be letting myself down all the time. Don’t even get me started on trusting my own flesh to make the right choices for all of us! No way Jose!

What negative circumstances have you been dealing with in your current season of life?

Father I pray that the person reading this would have faith the size of a mustard seed because that is all you require to trust you with their life and release their burdens to you. Renew their minds and strengthen them. Release them from the temptations to navigate life on their own! In Jesus name I pray, amen.

The Good Shepherd

 

Psalm 23 TPT

David’s poetic praise to God[a]
1 The Lord is my best friend and my shepherd.[b]
I always have more than enough.
2 He offers a resting place for me in his luxurious love.[c]
His tracks take me to an oasis of peace, the quiet brook of bliss.[d]
3 That’s where he restores and revives my life.[e]
He opens before me pathways to God’s pleasure
and leads me along in his footsteps of righteousness[f]
so that I can bring honor to his name.
4 Lord, even when your path takes me through
the valley of deepest darkness,
fear will never conquer me, for you already have!
You remain close to me and lead me through it all the way.
Your authority is my strength and my peace.[g]
The comfort of your love takes away my fear.
I’ll never be lonely, for you are near.
5 You become my delicious feast
even when my enemies dare to fight.
You anoint me with the fragrance of your Holy Spirit;[h]
you give me all I can drink of you until my heart overflows.
6 So why would I fear the future?
For your goodness and love pursue me all the days of my life.
Then afterward, when my life is through,
I’ll return to your glorious presence to be forever with you!

 

This Psalm resonates peace in my spirit in a time of uncertainty. Jesus our Good Shepherd, our Friend. Why Should I fear the Future? For His goodness and love pursues me all the days of my life. ALL the days of my life! Amen!

What is satan up to Today?

Four things he is trying to steal from you Today.

What is he trying to steal from me? What is he trying to steal from you?

  1. Joy
  2. Liberty
  3. Attention/ Focus
  4. Faith

Jesus came to destroy the works of hell. We learn this in Hebrews 2:14 “Since the children have flesh and blood, He too shared in their humanity so that by His death He might destroy him who holds the power of death, that is, the Devil.”

Each day we have a choice to co-labor with the Father through the Holy Spirit to see Heaven come down to earth. Anointed to do good works, and point others to Christ, the one who Saves. (Isaiah 61:1 NKJV) “The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, Because the LORD has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;

Today the Lord made it very clear that not only was I engaged in a spiritual battle, but this attack was specifically to distract me. As I got in the car and rehearsed the insanity of the day, my daughter brought it to my attention that tonight she wanted to pray for a little boy that enrolled in our school. He has a voice, but can not speak. She told me we needed to pray for God to heal his vocal cords because this was very important that he would need to talk in his life. As soon as she spoke those words of love for this child she has just encountered for the first time, the thought hit me how I missed that this morning. Though I was enrolling this student, anger was boiling under my surface lingering from a hellish attack before walking into the office, and I was trying to concentrate and keep my cool, praying for others was the last on my mind, sadly. 

The enemy will come against us every singe day. We have to be prepared for that. We have to pray on the Lord’s armor, he has not left us to fend for ourselves. As we shield up and seek his face in the midst of our adversaries attacks and schemes, he is faithful to fight for us. 

He will go after our joy. Why? Because the our joy is our strength. He wants us weak.

He will go after our liberty by deceiving us with circumstances that make us believe we will never get over this, surely it will not pass soon enough, we think. We will be enslaved in a negative mind set, a defeated mindset.

He will go after our focus. Who stops to think of others and their needs when they are only focused on themselves and their momentary feelings. He is blinding us to those around us in need. 

He goes after our faith. When it feels like the Lord is silent or we aren’t rescued soon enough. When we are slandered or lied on, mocked, or ridiculed, and we don’t get our vengeance, we start to fear and slowly our faith to stand tall becomes fading. 

Tomorrow you and I will be faced with another opportunity to either fall for his tricks, or pray for wisdom and revelation of the attack that is being launched at us. I pray that we would be sensitive to say no, not today satan. You will not steal my joy, my liberty, my focus, or my faith. Prepare to set your mind on things above and during the attacks take a deep breath,  and then quickly surrender your desire to control the situation to handle it on your own. 

The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

 

 

 

Habits for 2019 and beyond

10:44am Friday, January 4th

(Note to self -this is for me)

God is so awesome that he made my jaw drop when I read the first line of my devotion for today!

Let me back up. Every new year I obsess over becoming better then I was the year before. Weather it be more healthier, more intuned with the Holy Spirit, better wife, better mom, better daughter, the list goes on. So it was only natural for me to start figuring out what I would work on for 2019 and habits seemed to surface my mind. Apparently we as humans are habitual creatures who do most of life on habits we have unknowingly created weather good or bad. I was asking my husband if he had finished his habits book at work because I remember him sharing some of the things he was learning from it a few months ago.

Last night I was asking him more questions about it and he was quite taking by my new founded curiosity for this book. I could tell by the face he made as in like I was asking things way too late for his mind to process right before he shuts his mind down so he can sleep and get up early to go to work. However, I’m a chatter box and just carried on with extracting all my thoughts I had been thinking yesterday. “Did you know God is like way bigger then I think I can even comprehend!” I blurted as he snuggled tightly under his weighted blanket and 15 pillows. (He is a tall big muscular man, I get the 1500 pillows, I do! )

I hurried along to join him and I drifted off to sleep.

Each morning I wake up and I read my devotionals, so this morning was no different then before.

Now back to the jaw dropping….

A giggle and a smile swept over my face as I pressed in with my ears wide opened for what he was about to speak directly to me through the fine print. “Okay Lord, I’m listening!”

So 2019 what will it look like for me? Well let’s just say I will adopt God’s habit first, I trust you Jesus, then I will sprinkle on top of that some loving others and finding ways to bless them daily, combined with changing my eating habits to more Whole Foods/ less processed junk!

Lord Jesus thank you for your ways of teaching me what is important for my present time here on earth, help me to develop good habits this year Lord that will bless my mind, body, and soul, and bless others. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

-❤️ Me

Your Compliments Are Desperately Needed

Sunday December 2, 2018

Listen up!

Your words, they have power!

Your words can break through lies and deception.

Life these days are busy, hectic, anxiety filled, and short.

We are stuck in the rat race trying to mark our check lists off and get things accomplished so we feel like we living up to the worlds standards of success. In the mean time we are forgetting to slow down and love one another with our words.

I experienced the beauty of honesty and the power of lies being broken in a record time of 4 seconds.

My nine year old daughter has a knack for being impulsive and speaking her mind at any given moment. When she was a toddler this could leave me mortified as to what was about to escape those precious tiny lips. However today she teaches me the beauty of simplicity in a word that has become infested with man made complications.

Last week we had to take her in to see a doctor because her body was fighting a virus hence her elevated body temperature. Our regular family physician was booked up and I was desperate to get her seen that day so we went with a doctor she has never seen before.

During the exam the lady doctor was very graciously answering all of her worried nine year old questions about what all was going on on inside of her little body, when aburtly out of no where her impulsive colorful words filled the room as she said as honestly as can be, “You are so beautiful!”

The doctor gasped in these vibrant color words in shock as she covered her mouth as to keep them safe inside, then she paused for a moment almost as if she were about to cry as she said, “It has been close to 30 years since I have been told that.” She collected herself, smiled and resumed the exam.

I was frozen in my chair in amazement of the fact that this beautiful woman who had dedicated her life to helping others has not heard the words every woman loves to hear, needs to hear, should be entitled to hear in 30 years!

Her reaction made me feel the emptiness she must have been feeling up until the words were spoken to her from my big hearted daughter.

In this moment she paused long enough to let some love come in. She felt a little lighter I am sure and I pray she will remember those words when the days beat her up and she is glaring at her reflection in the mirror believing anything less.

I was then convicted in the harsh truth that I could have been one of those daring voices that could have spread beauty and color into others who have needed to hear it, too many God given opportunities in the span of my life, but never did out of fear of sounding silly or fake.

We need to slow down and we need to appreciate the privilege we have to share love with our words and not waste moments being to busy and so self consumed to compliment each other.

I am going to do it, the next time the opportunity presents itself to me. I am going to just blurt it out for all to hear the color words of compliments out of love to others.

My new slogan I’m adopting for 2019 is this: Don’t Hurry, be Happy!

Slow down and appreciate and acknowledge the beautiful people in your life along the way. 💖

Ash’Leigh Harris