It’s February the month of LOVE. Typically you see new romance blossom and bloom. Love is in the air.
This is no romantic love note my dear. I guess there is no sweet way to say this, so please forgive me for being so blunt, but I don’t have it in me to continue this fling we have going on.
First of all you suffocate me with your presence! Your EVERY WHERE! I can’t go anywhere alone with out you following my every move. I mean your at the store, the doctors office, the dry cleaners, the bank, the grocery mart, my work place, and even hiding out at my friends houses! You only thought you were sneaky, think again!
You make me act like a needy little school girl with a puppy dog love crush. My behavior has turned into one of those obnoxious “I can’t live with out you or I will die” kind of senseless ones. When I am stressed out, I need you. When I am feeling depressed, I need you. When I am happy, I want you. When I am bored, I want you and need you. I could go on with all different sorts of scenarios but well you don’t need to know all my weaknesses! I have become extremely co-dependent!
I can’t concentrate on any one thing because you consistently nag me like a retail shoe sells men working only on commission all the time with your sweet promises to satisfy me which you don’t. Okay I am LYING!! You satisfy me but for like maybe 10 to 30 seconds at a time. I am excited for a whole second until I can no longer taste your sweet delicious goodness on my tongue any more. Our encounters usually end up leaving me with a hangover or a severe stomachache, trying to consume enough of you to fulfill my desires at one time.
You whisper sweet nothings into my ear as I walk by you. YOU Tease!
Don’t you want me baby, don’t you want me OOOHH!? (In my mind I have created this serenade from you to me.)
The Sweet nothings and taunts go a little like this:
“Look at me, I’m so DELICOUS! Just one bite that’s all you need.” “Look at me I am “fun size.” It’s not even like you are getting all of me. Just a little bit of my love wont hurt you girl!” “You have been good all day, you Deserve me!” “No one has to know!”
The hardest part about you to swallow is the cold hard fact that you are a LYING NO GOOD CHEATER!! I heard Courtney talking about how delicious you were to her as well. It’s not even just her, apparently like ALL WOMEN have had some of you! You dog! Here I was thinking I was your one and only, like we had something special.
Your mind controlling powers lead to a serious distraction of my own needs.
I often tend to put your first. Ugh I hate myself!
You leave me with guilt and resentment for days. This guilt and resentment is what drives me to depression which leads me finding you and its a vicious cycle that never ends!
You wreck my self control! I keep telling myself I am going to quit you, but I keep going back for more and more!
You are no good for my self esteem. That’s right, you make me feel FAT! The more of you I consume, the larger my med section becomes. The uglier I feel!
You spike my insulin and can actually cause me to become a diabetic with too much consumption of you. You murderer. It’s like a FATAL ATTRACTION!
After much thought and consideration to the long term harmful effects this relationship has on me, I have decided it is time for me to take you out like yesterday’s trash!
That is right, I am breaking up with you CHOCOLATE!!
Oh, and I don’t need you trying to come crawling back into my life either. You’re not sneaky popping up on fruit, or bacon, or popcorn, so don’t even try to attempt that!
WE ARE OVER!
You are no good, your no good, your no good, baby your no good! (signing out loud)