It’s Valentine’s Day and I am dumping You

It’s February the month of LOVE. Typically you see new romance blossom and bloom. Love is in the air.

This is no romantic love note my dear. I guess there is no sweet way to say this, so please forgive me for being so blunt, but I  don’t have it in me to continue this fling we have going on.

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First of all you suffocate me with your presence! Your EVERY WHERE! I can’t go anywhere alone with out you following my every move. I mean your at the store, the doctors office, the dry cleaners, the bank, the grocery mart, my work place, and even hiding out at my friends houses! You only thought you were sneaky, think again!

You make me act like a needy little school girl with a puppy dog love crush. My behavior has turned into one of those obnoxious “I can’t live with out you or I will die” kind of senseless ones. When I am stressed out, I need you. When I am feeling depressed, I need you. When I am happy, I want you. When I am bored, I want you and need you. I could go on with all different sorts of scenarios but well you don’t need to know all my weaknesses! I have become extremely co-dependent!

I can’t concentrate on any one thing because you consistently nag me like a retail shoe sells men working only on commission all the time with your sweet promises to satisfy me which you don’t. Okay I am LYING!! You satisfy me but for like maybe 10 to 30 seconds at a time. I am excited for a whole second until I can no longer taste your sweet delicious goodness on my tongue any more. Our encounters usually end up leaving me with a hangover or a severe stomachache, trying to consume enough of you to fulfill my desires at one time.

You whisper sweet nothings into my ear as I walk by you. YOU Tease!

Don’t you want me baby, don’t you want me OOOHH!?   (In my mind I have created this serenade from you to me.)

The Sweet nothings and taunts go a little like this:

“Look at me, I’m so DELICOUS! Just one bite that’s all you need.” “Look at me I am “fun size.” It’s not even like you are getting all of me. Just a little bit of my love wont hurt you girl!”                                 “You have been good all day, you Deserve me!”                                        “No one has to know!”

The hardest part about you to swallow is the cold hard fact that you are a LYING NO GOOD CHEATER!! I heard Courtney talking about how delicious you were to her as well. It’s not even just her, apparently like ALL WOMEN have had some of you! You dog! Here I was thinking I was your one and only, like we had something special.

Your mind controlling powers lead to a serious distraction of my own needs.

I often tend to put your first. Ugh I hate myself!

You leave me with guilt and resentment for days. This guilt and resentment is what drives me to depression which leads me finding you and its a vicious cycle that never ends!

You wreck my self control! I keep telling myself I am going to quit you, but I keep going back for more and more!

You are no good for my self esteem. That’s right, you make me feel FAT! The more of you I consume, the larger my med section becomes. The uglier I feel!

You spike my insulin and can actually cause me to become a diabetic with too much consumption of you. You murderer. It’s like a FATAL ATTRACTION!

After much thought and consideration to the long term harmful effects this relationship has on me, I have decided it is time for me to take you out like yesterday’s trash!

That is right, I am breaking up with you CHOCOLATE!!

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Oh, and I don’t need you trying to come crawling back into my life either. You’re not sneaky popping up on fruit, or bacon, or popcorn, so don’t even try to attempt that!

WE ARE OVER!

You are no good, your no good, your no good, baby your no good! (signing out loud)

 

xoxo

Leigh Leigh

Please follow my BLOG Leigh Leigh Speaks and follow me HERE on Facebook or HERE on Twitter!

chocolate bar photo credit: fanpop.com and picmonkey for edits

Never again! Bad dreams and co-sleeping with your child! #momstruggle

My babies are older now. It’s been a good four year since we have had a little bitty baby in the house. Some days I miss that. Mine are 5 and 8 now.

Some nights I lay awake day dreaming about how I wish they were still little enough to snuggle with at night. Little warm and lavender smelling heaters to keep you warm and cozy all night. I would long for a night they would ask to sleep with us because they were afraid of a shadow on the wall of some sort.

It just doesn’t really happen here.

In those day dreams this is exactly what I had envisioned……

See isn’t this so sweet!!? Momma Cat is snuggling baby cat keeping her little safe and sound. Awe… No more bad dreams baby, Mommy is here!

Can I just interrupt this mushy moment with a little dose of reality!?

Well it finally happened last night! Our 5 year old daughter came bolting in our room tears and all with that sweet little innocent voice: “Daddy I want you!”

“Okay get in the middle of us!”

That warm sweet lavender scented soft baby has vanished leaving me with a sleepy, whiney, very boney, sweaty ball of a mess child! She didn’t smell so sweet, or lovely for that matter! More like Chicken Nuggets and Cheetos, laced with smelly feet!

I can’t recall much but if I could paint you a picture I am pretty sure my night looked a lot like these pictures to follow..

We started the night out in my favorite sleeping position. Momma on her back! Now imagine a life size 5 year old on my tummy, and I am not quiet that wide! 🙂

That position left me winded and uncomfortable so I rolled over onto my side. This is where her sweaty hair was suffocating me!

I manage to push her off my face and try this half side, half stomach position.

I suspect we got away with this co-sleeping position for a good portion of the night. Well, until my shoulder started to hurt and my side began to ache!

I decided it was time to give the whole tummy position a run for it’s money! After all it’s probably close to 2 in the morning and I am beginning to feel severely UNCOMFORTABLE!

Oh brother.. I am going Apes, Bananas!!

Why can’t she roll over and sleep next to her DADDY!? It was HE WHO LET THE LITTLE DARLING INTO OUR BED! Why ME, Why ME!? Why am I the only one being pressed down on, kicked, slapped, elbowed, kneed, sweated, and slobbered on!!!!??

She is Child by day, Ninja Warrior by night!

image found on yahooimages

image found on http://www.fanpop.com

HELP! I can’t even breath at this point!

*imagine found at 3.bp.blogspot.com

*imagine found at 3.bp.blogspot.com

And She has the nerve to wake up looking like this!

“Good Morning Momma!”

I am all like, “Good morning Kenna!”

My body feels like I just fought off a bull in my sleep all night!

Dodge this leg, dodge that elbow

Dodge this leg, dodge that elbow

Spanish bull fighter Jose Tomas

Spanish bull fighter Jose Tomas

NEVER AGAIN! NEVER!!!!! My back hurts, my arms hurt, my neck is stiff, I am sore all over!

So thank you DADDY and thank you POPPA for letting her watch that Scary Movie. I think if she comes back again, I am moving to the couch!

🙂 The countless joys of Motherhood!

Here is an actually picture of proof just how crazy our night was last night!!!

goodmorning

Smile,

Leigh Leigh

Be sure to check out MY KIDS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY HERE FOR MORE LAUGHS!

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My Kids are Driving ME CRAZY

Ever have one of these days where you are asking yourself this very question?

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Well I have some GOOD NEWS for YOU!

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🙂

You can spot children out quickly because like everything you tell them to do, they will completely ignore! (This goes especially for my 4 year olds!)

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And we don’t want to leave out the TEENAGERS and all their 5,487….(mood swing’s)

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OR the Whining..

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and the Tattle tailing every 5 minuets!!!

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Dinner time will never be the same…

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I mean seriously, I have yet to understand how a four year old can live off of lunch meat every meal….LUNCH MEAT!???????

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Mommy TIME OUTS are regular part of your day and you better bet your bottom dollar you will enforce this rule..

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But no matter how stressful and tired and run down they may have you feeling today, you can always guarantee some good ol’ love and hugs are in order!

 

Why?

Because they ABSOLUTELY ADORE YOU!

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And this is why we wouldn’t change a thing about motherhood!! 🙂

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Motherhood is AWESOME!!!    🙂

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I hope this brought a smile to your face!

xoxo

Leigh Leigh

Follow my blog here, and Facebook http://www.facebook.com/leighleighspeaks , Twitter @ash_leighharris!

I would love to hear some funny Motherhood stories!! Comment bellow!

 

 

 

The Flower child

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Kenna, my four year old daughter, is a complete joy and blessing. She has been a go get her since birth. She is my baby out of the bunch and she has just always had this way about her that oozes free spirit. You would find her shoulder deep in side walk chalk and candy as a toddler, and now her favorite past time is collecting bugs, dead or alive, she doesn’t mind.

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She enjoys the earth and all its dirt and glory, but she still loves to dress up in her princess dresses and put on make up with Momma’s high Heels.

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She may be a “Classy” Flower girl, if there was ever such a thing! She has recently asked me if she could sleep in just her shorts like her brother does! Which I followed up with , “When you are an adult living on your own, you may wear whatever you would like to sleep in, but for now let’s keep the jammies on!”

I promised the kids I would take them swimming when we returned home today from Mommies work out time at the Gym. When we stepped foot in our home, I hurried to make lunches and they scrambled to find their bathing suits. Handling typical Momma pre pool responsibilities, I was the last to get my gym clothes off and get changed, and just like clock where right as I am changing my shirt, Kenna bursts into my room unannounced to announce some nonsense none the less. I really think kids just have this six sense that tells them when Mom is not available and would prefer to remain unavailable to them, you know, bathroom breaks and other sorts! 😉

“Mom!” She blurts out!

I replied with a silent, “What?”

“YOU HAVE BRAS ON?” (Not to confuse you, I am not a freak of nature that requires two, as in plural, bras on at one time, she has always called a bra a bras!)

“WHY MOM!?”

I answered calmly, ” Well of course I do, it’s a sports bra Kenna, Mommies wear those when they work out.”

“WELL I DON’T LIKE THAT MOM, I DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU WEAR BRAS!”

At this moment, I am completely puzzled.

“Why Kenna, Why does this bother your or concern you that I have a sports bra on? Remember I told you before all women wear them.”

I almost couldn’t contain my laughter when she responded with such horror in her voice and shock on her face.

“I DON’T WANT YOU TO BE THE CRAZY MOM WHO WEARS BRAS!”

That was the completion of that conversation. I didn’t even have the words to respond!

I have to say I still sit here giggling just as dumbfounded as I was when the words first jumped off her lips trying to figure out why on earth wearing a “bras” would make me “The Crazy Mom!”

Wasn’t the “The Crazy Mom” the Lady who goes out in public with no bra on!? 🙂

So this concludes my suspicions as to why there isn’t a shadow of the doubt, that I am absolutely raising the next Flower Child.  I sure hope this mind set of hers changes before we hit middle school, or we may just have some bumping of the heads! I have decided it is not a bad ideal to pray for grace now for the days to come with Miss Kenna!

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I love that little girl to pieces! ❤

xoxo

-Leigh Leigh

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